2=1+1

moved.

2008-10-13T00:04:00.004+08:00

You knew you're going to be seeing one more entry after my "last post" for this blog.

Yesh, here's is the last last one.

I've moved to somewhere else - a complete new blogging platform for me. And also, a fresh start for me. Hence, change your link on your blog / website if I'm linked on your blog.

Goodbye, and good luck.

*edited: ask me if you want to know the link.

end of 24th

2008-10-09T23:59:00.000+08:00

This would be my last entry. No more entries will be updated here on this blog as of my 25th year on this earth. I'm switching back to the traditional way: diary.

and my last words: Happy Birthday to myself.

Give me some love.

2008-10-07T16:07:00.003+08:00

Listening to James Blunt's songs brought me back to where I was somewhere this time last year. Each and every single song of James Blunt really brings back alot of memories of what I was going through at work and relationship. Memories that hurts most was of the work ones.

I used to play "Give Me Some Love" on the loop on my computer or my mp3 player. I sunk myself in deeply into the lyrics of the song, and the rythmn from the song somehow uplifted me. I was going through a rather tough patch then and this song kept me goin' (somehow). Listening to it (and the other songs) again really make my heart aches.

I have alot of songs that have walked me through parts of my life journey. Some were of happy memories, some were of sad ones. But memories of the happy ones usually made my mood a little depressed cos I wished.. i could turn the time back.

Now, will you give me some love?

overspent.

2008-10-06T22:21:00.003+08:00

This is the 6th day of October and I've already spent $1300. Now, I gotta slow down on my expenses otherwise I will have problem at the end of the month. I've to spend another $1000 on the school fee and the air ticket.

I spent mostly on food, cab fares and bills. Oh, spent on some household items and other misc. Think I gonna stop spending money like this till end of the month.

Went to check the DSLR camera out with my cousin after work. Cancelled tuition just for that. Camera is more important. Went to test the Canon cameras. Not bad.. but budget's pretty high. I'm still deciding between a Nikkon and Canon. Come two more months, I will have enough budget for just the body. Not enough for the lens. Need to save up more.

I got myself a laptop bag finally. Cheap stuff at Harvey Norman. Brand was Targus. My cousin told me it was not bad. Anyway, it costed $35 which was very cheap. Many compartments for different things such as handphone, bottle, palmtop (pda) etc. Saw this creative speakers going at $39. Need a pair of speakers as my monitor speakers are not loud enough especially when I play movies on it. Got that as well. Very satisfied with my purchases. I've been wanting that for a long time (ever since mine was lost). I almost buy that iPod nano on impulse. Am putting that mp3 player on hold. Thinking I should save up to get myself a iPod Touch instead.

Work was pretty shitty today. Screwed up the inventory stock. I've missing stocks. wah lao. I was telling one of my colleaugue that if I were to quit someday, the colleague would be the reason why that was so. I was at Popular Bookstore and saw this book "How to handle difficult people at work" and was wondering if it would be useful. I was searching for Sun Tzu's Art of War - 36 Strategies. D0n't have. I've gotta try my luck at bigger bookstores.

I was chatting with my cousin about career prospects over the dinner. I don't know if he was too busy to take note of my life or was it because that I've given him an impression that I've been with my current for too long, he thought that I am with my current company for comin' to two years!! wah lao. it is less than a year ok?! So he said I should move on after two years. ~~No way man.~~ I will see how it goes.

We are planning to bring our parents to Hainan Island say early next year? I was thinking better to do so before they all get too old and unfit for long walking... We're planning a surprise!! wahaha

I was telling a colleague that I can be very forgiving and forgetful. I can forgive and forget very easily, till the extent that I will forget about you. Do not assume that I need you to breathe or live. I can still live happily without you.

I dug out my old diary book this morning and decided to pen down my thoughts in it rather than here. I haven't write for a long time. My last entry was 21st April.

Trip to BKK with YY is cancelled because.... air ticket was too expensive. and YY said it was a mood spoiler. Tiger Airway was selling tix at $448! Malaysia Air - $717. Holy! Well.. Genting would be a good choice YY?

transformation.

2008-10-05T02:40:00.003+08:00

Friday was a busy day. Went to tuition after work, and then back home to take a rest before heading off to Andrea's place to celebrate Creedance and Bob's birthday. I left house at 11pm, and half way through the journey, I regret going over because I was so tired and sleepy. I wished I had my bed with me.

I've always like chilling out at Andrea's place, because we just relax and sing songs. We talked, we sang, we joked, we laughed. We "criticised" each other freely, we laughed at each other. By 5am, I was too tired that I feel asleep on the uncomfortable couch.

The chillin' session was far more relaxin' than going to clubs or wine session at restaurants. We could do what we want. We had freedom, and our own booze.

It was the usual today where I go for tuition. It was only during the tuition I remembered that I've signed up for a workshop and I was supposed to attend it today. But I was too late, because the workshop took place in the morning. I was kinda upset with myself cos I let go a good chance of equipping myself with leadership skills.

Had wanted to go mug books later in the evenin and have already asked Daniel to join me. Somehow, I got the calling that I should just bring mum out for a nice dinner today and share with her the good news. I've roped in my little brother too. Dinner was at Fish & Co. We all preferred chinese food, but mum have not tried food at Fish & Co before, so went there to let her have a taste of it. So I made the announcement over the dinner, my family were happy. My mum was very glad and couldn't help to smile at me while stroking my arm.. that look in the eyes made my brother and I laughed. The food wasn't good but I'm sure we all had a good dinner.

Oh, I went for my pedicure session. I had two hours of time to kill because my mum was late. The in grown nail was making me have problem sleepin' well. Decided to get my pedicurist to just snipped that in-grown nail away. Boy, it was painful! But I've to say that was a pleasure pain. My big toe felt alot better! My pedicurist was awed by tolerance of pain when she had to dig right into my flesh to snip that nail away. =) I got myself a package as well @ $150 for 6 sessions. I need to go back there to have it done regularly to "cure" my in-grown nail problem.
==========================================

Lydia: No, didn't forget you. If i did, wouldn't have send u a postcard. recieved it?

==========================================

i'm movin. movin' away to start a new life, changing the lifestyle, with a different level of perspectives for life. my perspective or definitions of the major things - family, finance, career, human relationship have changed. no, i don't want, and will never want to fret over small things.
quotin' what oldman has told me before "i've enough shit on my own plate", yes. I'm saying this "I've enough shit on my own plate" and I'm going to add "Help me by not adding more to it".
Put it this way, I've better things to focus on right now.

suffocated thoughts.

2008-10-02T22:12:00.003+08:00

After a whole week of absence from the office, I finally returned to work today.
230 over emails in my inbox waiting for me to be cleared. Compared to others, it wasn't alot at all.

Alot for me to clear, so many top priorities, so many to handle, so many to provide assistance.

---------------------------

andrea emailed me the halloween bus party invitation! yeah! I'm going for it again! Last year was a spoiler. I think this year's would be better than last year cos I will be going with a group of friends! Unlike last year, I was alone. Well, I was with people I barely knew..

---------------------------

sometimes i wished i could just disappear from this world, where traces and all memories of me are erased. photos printed that has my face on them go disappearing like how some thriller movies showed. nobody raise any eyebrow when my name is mentioned.

this is far better than death. memories still linger around when there is death.

now.. think about it.. before death comes.. let's say i slowly slipped away... and nobody knows of it when it happens.. still.. there would still be traces of my presence.

oh well.

Someday.Why

2008-10-02T21:38:00.000+08:00

Someday when the sky turns grey, you'll know why.

Someday when the flowers no longer bloom, you'll know why.

Someday when the path is abandoned, you'll know why.

Someday when the silence engulfed the laughters, you'll know why.

Someday when the tears has decided to stop flowing, you'll know why.

Someday when the eye no longer blink once when your name was read, now would be why.

The Greatest Advice by Rick Warren

2008-10-02T01:17:00.005+08:00

I got the below in my inbox some time back. I think I should follow them.

THE GREATEST ADVICE
ByRick Warren (The Purpose Driven Life)

Don't associate with people you can't trust.
Don't cheat. Don't lie.
Don't pretend.
Don't dictate because you are smarter.
Don't demand because you are
stronger.

Don't date because you are desperate.
Don't marry because
you are miserable.
Don't have kids because you think your genes are
superior.
Don't philander because you think you are irresistible.

Don't sleep around because you think you are old enough & know
better.
Don't hurt your kids because loving them is harder.
Don't sell
yourself, your family, or your ideals.
Don't stagnate!

Don't
regress.
Don't live in the past. Time can't bring anything or anyone back.
Don't put your life on hold for possiblyMr./ Mrs. Right.
Don't throw
your life away on absolutelyMr. ./ Mrs. Wrong because your biological clock is
ticking.

Learn a new skill.
Find a new friend.
Start a new
career.
Sometimes, there is no race to be won,only a price to be paid for
some of life's more hasty decisions.

To terminate your loneliness, reach
out to the homeless.
To feed your nurturing instincts, care for the needy.
To fulfill your parenting fantasies, get a puppy.
Don't bring another
life into this world for all the wrong reasons.

To make yourself happy,
pursue your passions & be the best of what you can be.
Simplify your
life. Take away the clutter.
Get rid of destructive elements: abusive
friends, nasty habits, and dangerous liaisons.
Don't abandon your
responsibilities but don't overdose on duty.

Don't live life recklessly
without thought and feeling for your family.
Be true to yourself.
Don't
commit when you are not ready.
Don't keep others waiting needlessly.

Go on that trip. Don't postpone it.
Say those words. Don't let the
moment pass.
Do what you have to, even at society's scorn.

Write
poetry.
Love Deeply.
Walk barefoot.
Dance with wild abandon.
Cry
at the movies.

Take care of yourself. Don't wait for someone to take
care of you.
You light up your life. You drive yourself to your destination.
No one completes you - except YOU.

It isn't true that life does not
get easier with age.
It only gets more challenging.
Don't be afraid.
Don't lose your capacity to love.
Pursue your passions.

Live your
dreams.
Don't lose faith in God.
Don't grow old. Just grow YOU!

Renewed.

2008-10-02T00:51:00.005+08:00

Some of you might have guessed it, yes, I'm back from my holiday in Vietnam. It was a "ok" trip over; not the best holiday that I had. Gimme sometime and I will do a photoblog about the trip.

My contract was renewed finally and X XXX XXXXXXXX XX X XXXX XXXXXX! It was a pretty XXXX XXXXXXXX and I had wanted to make an announcement last night and call for a celebration at the club last night, but oh well, things didn't turned out well.

Met up with YY this evening and share with her the good news. Wanted to do a celebration for myself and offered to buy her dinner but she turned down. She said to save for the next time at tze char. We met up to plan for our trip to Bangkok sometime this month also.

M: Called you but there was no answer. Wanted to tell you we bumped into Estee Soh!!

I was telling YY just now that time passes by very fast! It will soon be my birthday and then hers, and the year will end soon etc... Talking about my birthday, I'm not planning to have any celebration this year though I bought a bottle of wine at DFS when I was back from Vietnam. (Just in case there's a need to use it for my birthday)

-------------------------------------------------
I'm planning my life again. Re-defining my life philosophies and objectives again. I like the feeling of having to think and plan what I want to do for my life. At least, it makes me feels that I'm useful. I bet carrying them out in actions would be better!

What doesn't kills you makes you a stronger person.

confrontation.

2008-10-01T13:52:00.003+08:00

I did not say you said those things that you've said in the past. I said "you might be repeating".

I can be someone very understanding, but I chose not to. I reckon you've not realised the reason behind why I was so mad. This has nothing got to do about just being a party pooper.

You don't have to back off. I will do the back off. I've done it before, say a month or so before?

No, you can't do much now. But you could have done something then.

the end.

2008-10-01T02:11:00.003+08:00

Call me petty or blame me for not being understanding as your buddy. Screw it. You might be repeating what you've told me during your last relationship that you're the one who's going to marry her, or she's your girl and you need to supportive to her.

I should have stayed on to what I've set. Why was I ever there at the dinner?

fuck it. call me unreasonable. call me petty. whatever. I'm done with you. period.

I wish...

2008-09-29T20:16:00.002+08:00

I'm feeling so upset. I wish I could just cry myself to sleep, and wake up not remembering about a thing that you said, or you.

Rantings from Vietnam

2008-09-26T18:36:00.003+08:00

It is Friday. Time seems to pass by so slow. I still have two more days and I will be home! My flight timing are always weird. Thoughts of having to take a cab home early in the morning from the airport all the way to the West just irks me. I've to spend close to $70 dollars on cab fare for this trip out of Singapore! I spent about $40 from my place to the airport when departing from Singapore to Vietnam. Come to think of it, I'm spending close to $800 just for this trip. $200 on air tickets, $100 for the misc. and cab fare, $500 for the currency exchange (inclusive of spendings and hotel in Vietnam)

I'm gonna go home as a damn broke person. Well, not so broke, I've to do without a few movies and good meals.

Two more days. I'm counting down.

quick update

2008-09-22T15:27:00.002+08:00

While typing this away, my perspiration is dripping down from my forehead to the bridge of my nose.

Vietnam is scorching hot! The first two days here were worse, today isn't that bad.

things aren't as cheap as i expected them to be. I've spent close to $200 for the first two days. Now I'm left with about $200++ worth of Vietnamese dong.

Anyway, be back to blog.

2008-09-21T19:56:00.003+08:00

I'm broke.

2008-09-19T20:00:00.001+08:00

Am still in office clearing work. damn it.

tired.

2008-09-18T00:45:00.009+08:00

I'm sick of being not unhappy. It feels not right to be happy when i'm not happy.
I can't take it anymore. I've put up for a too long period of time. I'm tired.

soon soon, i will be happy again.

Pre-plan for Vietnam (Part 1)

2008-09-18T00:45:00.003+08:00

Believe me when I said I didn't even read up much about Vietnam. I didn't even bother to look for hotel. And I've not book any yet, and not intending to book one. That's what makes it thrilling.

The only thing that I've to worry about is the domestic air ticket which Thuy told me she will book for me. Till now, I've not heard from her. So let's say she doesn't get back to me, then I will have to take the train and bus up to the North, which will make my trip even more adventurous because..... I know nuts about booking the bus and train.

I'm going to pack light, and rough the trip out like the usual. Nope, I won't be bringing my mini make up kit, or the hair dryer, or a skirt (for clubbin'). I will just go with my backpacker's wardrobe -

Two pairs of bermudas (including the one which I will be wearing)

Five tee shirts (including the one which I will be wearing)

One pair of shorts (Sleep)

One pair of pants / track pants (just in case I need to be dressed appropriately)

Three sets of undergarments

One pair of ~~flip flops~~ flats (I will be wearing my crocs)

One sweater (it is cold in Hanoi?)

One poncho (for rain)

I will be having one waist pouch for me to keep my camera, passport, and cash. No, there's no wallet. I will have a slim card holder for the cash and cards.

As for the techy and misc. stuff I will be bringing:

~~my laptop (am still thining if i should)~~

~~my ext. hdd (unless I have extra 10 GB of SD memory card)~~

my mp3 player (can't do w/o music)

N96 or ~~N85~~ (one has 16GB of memory space while the latter has got a good camera, can't decide)

camera with a total storage space of 6GB of memory card

Vietnam guide

Vietnam language guide

small notepad and pen

some antacid pills, charcoal pills, panadols, plasters, anti-mosquito spray, vitamin c pills

swiss army knife (i think i lost it)

I'm not bringing my full set of toiletries. I'll just bring my tooth brush and tooth paste, facial wash, three packs of wet tissues, one face towel and a mini tube of my perfum - Kenzo's L'eau Par. (can't do without this fragrance)

Okay, am just done with my first part of planning.

Good night

i hate my body.

2008-09-17T15:14:00.001+08:00

I hate my body.
I hate my body.
I hate my body.
I hate my body.
I hate my body.
I hate my body.
I hate my body.
I hate my body.
I hate my body.
I hate my body.
I hate my body.
I hate my body.
I hate my body.
I hate my body.
I hate my body.
I hate my body.
I hate my body.
I hate my body.
I hate my body.
I hate my body.
I hate my body.
I hate my body.

I REALLY HATE MY BODY.

Missing the bliss.

2008-09-16T06:59:00.003+08:00

The relatives are leaving Singapore this afternoon. The reunion is coming to an end which I didn't want it to come early. Although the schedule was hectic since Friday till last night, I had a great time and enjoyed myself with the family.

It felt damn good (near to orgasm) to be around with my family, and speaking our dialect language, cracking jokes, sharing gossips, reminiscing the good old days, making plans for the future reunions... however all these are short lived.

I'm returning back to work today reluctantly. I was comtemplating to extend my leave for another one more day so that I could rest at home. However, the thought of I will be away for one week from the office stopped the idea. If I don't go back work today, I'm going to screw things up next week. Moreover, I've aligned tuitions my tuition schedules beautifully so that when I'm back, it would be time for me to collect the tuition fee! hiak hiak hiak

A few post-event notes:
-I didn't have the chance to use my camera to take pictures during the wedding lunch.
-I forego the make up thinking it would make me look like a ghost. Slapped blusher and lip gloss on only.
- I will not want to be an emcee for a wedding lunch / dinner again.
- Wedding planning is fun, and am looking for weddings to plan!
- Make sure that I follow a diet strictly if there's a wedding that involves me in the future.
-Tze char food from the hawker taste better than the ones served at hotel.
- VIP guests don't get bigger portion of food served.
- I had 4-5pcs of chili padi soaked in chili padi sauce during the gate crashing to fetch the bride. I was hot.
- My name was switched to "Orange Girl" throughout the whole ceremony, just because I hold the oranges.
- Wearing the 3.5 inches tall heels was a challenge for me after not wearing any for coming to a year.

Will find time to write on the wedding lunch when I've the pictures.

Now, I need to find time to meet up with Amanda.

A wish.

2008-09-14T03:29:00.004+08:00

In the midst of all the hectic preparation for cousin's wedding lunch that's happening in less than 12 hours time, I feel a void in me, I'm feeling lost.

Don't get me wrong, I'm glad that my cousin has finally found someone whom he wants to settle down with and to start a new chapter in life. But on the other hand, it is disturbing to me that the couple is still having fights / quarrels which I felt could be avoided; shouldn't have taken place at all.

I'm not at liberty to criticise about the two's relationship, neither do I have the rights to comment much about how each individual should behave towards one another. Due to a miscommunication (literally), I've seen how worked up and upset my cousin has gotten to be this late afternoon. I was a little upset with how the situation has turned out to be although things turned out to be fine. Well, such situations has been played on a loop sequence for the past few days.

I genuinely wish the couple all the best, and their marriage will be a blissful one and that they will grow to be a stronger couple going through all the obstacles, and over coming all odds.

Happy Ordeal...

2008-09-13T02:45:00.008+08:00

The fact that I've put on gradually hit me really hard this evening when I was walking around the town trying to shop for the clothes to wear for the wedding lunch this sunday.

I've cursed and swore at myself the whole evening at every dress that I've tried out. A colleauge accompanied me to the shopping was saying that our department had been snacking alot ever since I came onboard. wahahaha.

Thinking back, we really did snacked alot and I was the start of it. When I first joined my current company, I lost quite a bit of weight due to the medications that I had. The medicines that I took somehow increased my metabolism rate, and also make me lost my apettite. Then, I was just starting out on this job and I was working very hard to adapt to the environment and to get things done. Three months into the job, I was taken off the medications, and I started to hit back to my old style of relieving stress - snacks.

It was an ordeal for me to get something that I could fit in. I wonder why do they cater so little clothes / designs for women who are big size? While trying out the clothes, I can't help to count. I've move from a size 8 to size 12, slowly to size 14.. and before I knew it, I was a size 20 (some time back last year). I slowly worked hard and the figure dropped to size 16, then 14.. and now.. it is moving back up to size 16.. and approaching size 18. WTF!!!

I was looking into the mirror and realised that my tummy was BIG. I need to get rid of it. I've gotta stop drinking. Binging drinking was the cause of it, and I gotta put a control on it. I've been having alot of good food ever since I'm with my current company. I guess the people whom I met here has got higher spending power as compared to the people I've met in my previous company. The only ingredient that i miss in the cuisines is exercise. Well, the only time when I really feel well to do exercise was probably 1.5 months ago. That, being able to go through 1 hour of brisk walking / slow jog without feeling pain in my lower spine.

Alert alert!!! I gotta chant the Exercise Mantra to myself everyday. And also to put some actions into it. Let me influence my mind and then it will slowly moves my body. Its all in the mind... I know I know you guys out there would be sick of this boring diet / lose weight / exercise that I've been talking for years.. hey, have some faith in me ok! Working on it. I'm exercising at least twice a week now, and I've stopped binge drinking for *pauses and thinks hard* 2 months.

Damn it. I make sure I will go back to the boutique three months later and get that dress!
So here are a few pictures:

Some cheapo looking boutique shop selling this at SGD$ 249, after $30 discount

Dorothy Perkin's Top is $79, Dress is $69 Dorothy Perkin's Cardigan $83, Dress $69

Could you see the double chin on my face coming out? *OMG* Hehe, not telling which one I've bought... make a guess.

I still remember that it wasn't so hard for me to shop for clothes one - two months ago...

-----------------------------------------

I'm starting to feel stressed about the wedding lunch this sunday. I'm the coordinator as well as the emcee. I've to do double language - English and mandarin. And I've yet to come up with my creative speech.. I dread following the boring, traditional script where almost 90% of the couples use at the hotels. *faints* Tomorrow (later) at 9am is the "bed rolling* ceremony. We've got three kids visitng my cousins' place later to roll and jump(?) on the bed. Malcom's one of them! Hope he doesn't flats out the mattress that costs more than SGD$3k!!! Picture of Malcom below:

My uncle, aunt, cousin and her boyfriend are arriving SG some time in the late afternoon, would spend some time to help them settle down before going for dinner at The Soup Restaurant (not sure if there will be changes). I love the Samsui Chicken at TSR. Best grinded ginger paste I've ever tried! Oh, Malcom is staying overnight with us! Yay! I love kids! Gonna bring him around to carry lantern. I bought him lanterns the other day... Feels so great to have my family and loved ones closed to me (if only oldman is around too.. =)

I've yet to get my manicure and pedicure done, yet to have my hair done, yet to visit for facial (i'm fore-going this) and yet to have my eye brown trimmed! It was a week of madness. Work was very busy. I was so busy at work today that I had to hold my pee for four hours! Yesterday while I was on the way back to Jurong, I was so tired tht I dozed off within 2 mins I got on the bus!! I had to give tuition.. and I had to steal 10 mins of my student's so that I could take a power nap. I rememberd that I slept for 12 hours the night before, and still couldn't comprehend why I was so tired.. probably due to the over usage of brain. Of late.. my work requires alot of brain work.
----------------------------

For the first time in many weeks, oldman finally answered my call! Well.. he had been busy.. so i shouldn't complain.. anyway, I was telling Max about it and I was so happy. His company gave him vouchers/tickets to get up on the hot air balloon!! It is so so so cool! I've never been up in a hot air ballon. I bet the view up there must be nice! Anyway, I wished his company gives him a pair of tickets to Singapore!

I wonder if my company can give me vouchers / tickets to Andy Lau's Concert...

----------------------------

Chatted with Thuy and more or less confirmed my itinerary for Vietnam. It was a draft plan. But i know I will be flying off from Ho Chi Minh City to Hanoi on the 22nd Sept, 10.30pm on their domestic flight. Air ticket's gonna costs me about USD$150. Goodness. I budgetted myself to bring SGD$500 over... Anyway, I'm still going to keep to the SGD$500 budget. I'm sure this will make my trip more challenging...

Anyway, off to bed... been a long post. Sorry guys.

when i can't be lawful...

2008-09-10T20:29:00.003+08:00

this is a night where i just want to (either)

1) gorge myself on lots of junk food, deep fried chicken wings...
2) down many many shots of chivas / vodka / tequila / beer / whatever potent liquor
3) run many many rounds non-stop
4) do some sandbag punching
5) chain smoke
7) sleep all night long

I'm opting for the 7th choice. I will wake up tomorrow morning and think about what I want to do...

for now, fuck it.

I want to be better

2008-09-10T00:38:00.002+08:00

Everytime I think about the reasons why I can be so happy everyday is probably because my colleauges are all compromising me. Or that my colleagues are accomodating my shitty works. I would love to say that I'm happy because they like me because I'm doing a good job. However, I do not dare to take that statement up.

I may have done a better job than others, but that does not equate it to be a good job. Well, I could have been better. In fact, I question myself everyday, and I know there are rooms for improvements... Eh.. I just have to work towards that.

"I want to be better. " And I'm going to chant that everytime I wake up and before I fall asleep until I'm better (than now).

Now now, I've been thinking of picking up a foreign language, one that will equip me at work and meeting people in the future. Perhaps just one foreign language would not be sufficient to meet that. I might need to pick up at least two or more.

Here's a list that I've ~~seriously~~ considered:

1. Japanese
2. French
3. Finnish
4. German
5. Thai
6. Hindi
7. Korean
8. Bahasa Indonesia
9. Chinese

I got a feelin' I will end up not taking up any at this moment or in the near future say one year in advance?

Oldman texted me this morning asking me when is my birthday. That was a reply to my message to him.

me: good morning baby... *sweet talks* bla bla bla...
oldman: Thanks my angel. Question... when is your birthday?
me: XX Oct. Why?
oldman: :-) Just checking. Xo

Now now, I thought he would remember cos I remembered his. hmpft!

p/s: my dear friends who are close to me.. nobody at work knows about my oldman... so so so... refrain from giving me away on facebook....

unfair

2008-09-09T02:19:00.004+08:00

Life isn't fair all the time. There are those who possessed their degree(s) and yet they have got no creativity or brainwork. And there are those who are creative and yet not having education qualifications.

I hate how the society works, and how this system has gotten many to stereotype people. And because of such, I've to work harder.

damn.

And there are those who get what they want without having to work too hard while others work and slog for their whole life and get nothing.

double damn.

looking at how things are run in my office, and how people work in my office, sometimes I can't help to feel how pathetic these degree holders are.. yeah, you have the paper qualifications, you have the analytical sides... but you lack the EQ.

triple damn.

It feels like cum, but was in green.

2008-09-08T19:04:00.004+08:00

I was drinking an organic drink which was meant to help detox the body... and after mixing the concoction, the liquid become skinny, thicker and slimy.. which i thought it feels like cum but was in green.

Pardon the pornographic language, but i just had a green cum in my mouth!! The mixture was so thick that I had to spend half an hour to slowly swallow the 350ml.

d'pressed

2008-09-07T02:52:00.001+08:00

I'm feelin' depressed.
I could be happier.

First 3 days of Sept.

2008-09-04T00:02:00.004+08:00

Baby met with a (minor) accident last evening (my midnight) when I was talking to him on the phone. That emotions and feelings stirred by that statement just engraved right into my memory so deeply that I will never forget about it. "Baby, i just met an accident. I will call you back in a while"

With a "Oh ok, bye". I hung up immediately. I was hoping that it wasn't something serious. My logic told me that it could be nothing serious cos he was still able to tell me that he met with an accident and to call me back. Somehow, I could sense the anger in his tone when he informed me of the accident. I was worried that he might smash up the person who knocked into him. I wanted to dial his number so badly but I knew I had to just wait patiently for him to call back. The silence in the bedroom was killing me.

After 10 - 15 mintues of waiting ( or perhaps shorter than that?), he called back. He was safe and I was relieved. Never mind about the side mirror, never mind about the scratch. So long as he is safe and not hurt, all is fine.

We were both going through patch at work. He had his share of shit, and so did I. I knew I sounded pretty cold and unfriendly when I answered his call, and I'm guilty of that. I felt even worse when I knew that he got shits from his boss. Anyway, I just hope things turn better for him.

I am facing some problem with one of my shipment to India at work, and I'm quite frustrated with it because that would means more work and time spent on investigating the case. wah lao oi. It was meetings and meetings with alot of colleauges coming down from all over the world, and alot of travel arrangements to be made, and I have to follow up with the hotel in Sydney on one of the over-charging that was done.. too little time to handle too many things. Plus, I had been having a seriousl sleeping problem since Sunday night, and apparently that didn't help me much in my concentration level during work. And I've to say, my face didnt' turn out to be as friendly as normal at work.

Well, I'm actually feeling quite alright except that my tolerance level has dropped by a few levels, and my tolerance for nonsense became zero for the past three days. But yeah, despite of all these, I'm still alright. I will get by. This is just another phase of busy time. I usually just get by. Been the case for me all these years.

Brought the Vietnam and Philippines colleauges to Chinatown for local food last evening followed by a round of beer at Crazy Elephant at the Clarke Quay. It was actaully a good time to bring them around to Chinatown because of the lantern lightings that was set up for the mooncake festival. I miss talking to Vietnamese. I used to deal with Vietnamese every single day in my previous job and I had so much fun with them. Talking to my vietnamese colleagues last night just stirred my memories and emotions. We shared about our cultures and office knowledge (gossips) and we all had a great time. Somehow, we've a better relationship which I know will be good for future work.

And this evening, I went to Jumbo Seafood at Dempsey Hill with the global colleagues (from all over the world). Of course, colleagues from other departments as well. It was quite bored initially because I was just "alone". Everyone were either of manager levels or heads of somethng something. I was just a team assistant. Things were alot better when my boss made it for dinner after his interview with a candidate after office hours. I just sat there quiet absorbing whatever that I could that was shared by others over the table. I realised that there are even more things that I could learn!

It was later when some left and I had to join table with the rest... some colleagues from other departments were singing praises for me in front of my boss which got me quite embarassed. However that made me feel good cos I believe I like to have my boss to be proud of his hire. And I guess I'm the only one of his so many hires who is extrovert!

Chatted to a few heads of something and something, and this colleague who is pretty "infamous" actually exclaimed that he didn't knew about me at all until this evening. I couldn't helped it and I had to tell him straight in the face that I've shook hands with him and introduced ourselves to each other in the office sometime back... *grins*

Now, here's the mundane update for last week... or to updates about my life

1. Played badminton, am going to do it again

2. Went for photoshooting, am going to do it again..

3. Watched movies

4. Did some planning for weddings

5. Gathering with my diploma classmates

6. Drafted my itinerary for my trip

7. Boss gave me a present which I like. Can't share what's it here. Ask me privately if you like to.

8. Bought a new pair of shoes

9. Gotten my Allure hairmist from Chanel

10. Bought my external Hdd.

Yearbook-ed!!!

2008-09-02T00:55:00.003+08:00

went to Yearbook-ed myself again, with my passport size photo! Damn fun!!!

Yearbook-ed myself!

2008-09-01T06:45:00.001+08:00

http://www.yearbookyourself.com/

Last Saturday of August...

2008-08-31T03:18:00.008+08:00

Was in the vacinity of where the Comex was taking place, and decided to pop by since I had time to spend.

When I reached the entrance, everybody rush to stuff brochures into me, when one girl pushed my hand and I dropped my E71. All my brochures dropped and it covered up the phone. This guy picked up the brochures and my phone, only to realise that the phone that dropped with a "smack" on the floor was a brand new E71. He went "I'm sooo sorry". It's weird. It wasn't his fault, why was he apologising. Anyway, I was quite cool about it.. because the phone was already scratched badly the other day. Since that virgin scratch, I dont' really care much about it anymore. I'm looking forward to getting another new phone, new model end of the year.

I got myself a Maxtor Seagate ext hdd at $129! There were a few other good deals but I've settled on this because Maxtor's well known to be the #1 manufacturer for hdd.

Checked the Canon's cameras out also.. they've got a pretty good deals for their DSLR. A pity that I can't bear to part with my thousands from my bank.. Well, next time when I've extra extra extra cash... that could wait.

I wanted to get a 3-in-1 printer as well, but decided to save that $159. And I didn't want to lug it around while waiting for Larry to show up.

Went to DXO to chill out with him before heading to GV Marina to catch "Death Race". I like the show pretty much. I liked how "strategic" the racers could get. Brilliant.

While we were chilling out at DXO, there was this young man who ran himself into the transparent block of glass. He was thrown off onto the ground. He got up, looking abit seh seh. The next thing was a policeman running along. By then, the young man had already gotten running towards the entrance of the bar for his escape, which so happened to be our direction. The policeman was shouting "Chase him!". By then, he had already ran past me and heading towards a waiter.. and that waiter went "hur?" looking damn blur. The young man ran to the road.. And there's this security guard who was guiding the traffic tried to catch hold of him but failed. Then a young smoker was by the road side saw what was happening, ran towards the young man.. he threw himself onto the young man. And that man was pinned down. That was so dramatic!!!

Then the guy seated at the table next to us whom I believed is a Thai due to his strong thai accent asked his friend "Why is Singapore police so fat?" I took a glance at the police, and I asked myself also why also.

The indian man from the Halloween Party last night texted me... I remembered shaking him off telling him that I already have a boyfriend early this year. Anyway, Larry called him back telling him that I'm no longer using the number, which in actual fact, that could be deemed as that case cos most of my friends contact me via my work number now. Now that reminded me something... Halloween is coming soon.. I don't hope to see him this again during this party.

Now now, next time I gotta watch my actions as they lead to consequences that I've to bear in the future.

Oh.. I got Eagle's new album - Long Road Out of Eden. Considering that they haven't cut an album for so many years, I could say this is a not bad album.

September's going to be a busy, excting but broke month for me! That reminds me that I've to chase my debtors to return me $$$ that should be returned to me months back...

I like how things are right now.. very serene.. peaceful... not having to worry so much about anything or anybody... cos i just basically don't give a damn or bother about anything much. I've learnt that the lesser attached you're to something / someone, the less upset/hurt/disappointed will get.

The shits that I went through earlier this year were all blessings in disguise.

oldman's gone again

2008-08-29T01:25:00.003+08:00

Oldman was flying off to Senegal for work and called me while he was at the airport. I'm kinda worried about him because he got bitten by a spider that caused him to have high fever and vomits. He has yet to recover from the attack and was asked to fly.

Silly him, asked me if I would miss him.

Him: "Hey baby, will you miss me?"
me: "yes, of course i would. why such silly question?"
him: "hehe, nothing. just checking."

Whenever he travels to other part of SA for work, it would means no communications between the both of us. SMS-es to him or to me would be lost in the network, somehow. And calls is way too expensive! Having him calling from SA to Singapore is already very expensive, imagine having him to call to Singapore while he's autoroaming in other parts of SA! I'm so used to hearing his voice everday and he's not going to be calling for one week. wah lao.

And now, he's not visiting SG in September which I'm glad because September is a busy month for me. He's asked to travel to Cairo in two weeks time, and to another place which I didn't quite catch well.

Told me that his meetings had been re-scheduled to the first or second week of October. I hope he comes during my birthday week. That reminded me of something... 九月初四 ...

He's planning for a transfer to work in Vietnam. I'm kinda reluctant of him to go over to work in Vietnam because there are so many gentle vietnamese women there! later he kena snatched away how?? ok, that's not my main fear. It's just that I'm not sure how receptive are the Vietnamese to foreigners... and the living condition there.. He told me he is tempted to go Vietnam to work, and I asked why. Answer was because there's an opening there. *faints* Oh well, whatever it is, if he moves to vietnam, he's nearer to me! But... well.. I really hope he doesn't go to Vietnam to work.. .but then, up to him lah.

When surprises didn't turned out well...

2008-08-28T00:49:00.001+08:00

http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x132zq_cumpleanos_animals

And so it is...

2008-08-25T22:54:00.003+08:00

I've to say I'm pretty cursed on my own. They usually don't last longer than three months. Once three months' time is up or round the corner, things starts to happen and eventually everything will slowly come to an end.

I'm sort of resigned to such happenings. And I guess that could also be why I pick myself up fast whenever I fall.

No, it has not ended yet. But I'm prepared.

And so it is.. just like you said it would be.. life goes easy on me.. most of the time. And so it is, the shorter story, no love no glory, no hero in her sky. Can't take my eyes of you.. I can't take my eyes of you..

... if it has to be, so be it.. Cos it only shows that it has to be that way.

Blue monday

2008-08-25T06:13:00.000+08:00

I foresee that this is going to be a blue Monday for me. I didn't sleep well last night. Well, it was all cos of oldman. But I'm sure I will handle it fine...

Apart from that, I'm having some other issues which I've to face. I felt that I've been taken for granted. I can't take the nonsenses anymore I guess. I'm throwing in the towel. I'm pretty good at turning back, walking away and never really be bothered about anything.

I hope I feel better as the sun rises higher

Alright, time to leave the house.

My First Brazillian Wax

2008-08-24T17:48:00.004+08:00

All the questions that I have for Brazillian Wax have been answered finally!!

I gave my virgin Brazillian Wax to Strip at The Cathay! To my surprise, I wasn't awkward about spreading my legs wide opened in front of a stranger at all. Till the very last minute when I lied down on the bed with my legs wide opened, showing my most private part to my therapist, awkwardness wasn't in my mind at all. It was the pain factor that I was worried about.

Prior to stepping out of my house to head to The Cathay, I tried using a tweezer to pluck a hair out at my labia areato give myself a preparation of how painful it would be when I have the whole bush down there waxed. Plucking a single hair out - painful. Waxing? No. Not as painful as I've expected it to be!

Everything lasted for approximately 15 minute. I opted for the xxxx Strip (All off) which cost me $55 exclusive of 7% GST. All hair down there are stripped off, including the tiny ones in between your butt crack! So if the wax didn't manage to strip some off, the therapist would use a tweezer to pluck it off.

My therapist say the wider you spread your legs open, the easier and faster that she could get the job done. And also, a less painful one. And so, I did my best to spread my legs wide open. There's this word "Breathe" that's up on the ceiling. And whenever Penny asked me to breathe in, it means it would be very painful. There is some pain, a bearable pain, but an awakening pain I've to say. However, it lasted for just that 3 seconds when the wax is being pulled off from the skin. I'm quite addicted to that pain actually.

*There's a man doing Boyzillian Wax a few room away. And he was yelling very loud everytime when his therapist pulled the wax off. It must have hurt his balls alot.*

Like I told my friend, I would love to have cheebye just like the baby's. And now, I've a baby cheebye! hahaha. I got myself a SOS kit for $60, which comes with a 15% for the waxing that I did. And it comes with a little soft toy of a pig with wings (I like), a bath mitt, a 20% voucher for any Brazillian Waxing service expiring on Sep 08, a mini SOS guide for After Waxing, and most importantly, a Strip's X'ed Out Cream which cost $48. X'ed Out Cream is an alcohol-free treatment which contains Bromelain, a pineapple enzyme and Tea Tree to soothe and treat skin irritations. Added Vitamin A opens follicles for Resorcinol to penetrate deeply, preventing and treating itchinessand ingrown hair. I read in the forums that it is good.

After that, we headed to dinner at Pasta Mania. I tried their Spiced Bake Pasta. Currly flavour doesn't go well with cheese at all. Walked back to The Cathay to catch Money Not Enough 2. It was very stagy. Everything was so scripted and staged that I didn't really enjoy the show. However, I've to say the lady who was acting as the mother was really good. She made me teared towards the very end. Henry Thia was very good too.

Rushed back to Jurong after MNE2 to meet up with Daniel and the rest for 4Bia. Goodness. I must have been an idiot for the split seconds to have agreed to watch a horror film. It was very very horrible (scary). I jumped and screamed in the theatre a few times. I remembered there was a scene at the start that made the whole cinema of people jumped. But I've to say, the movie was a good one. Horrifying good. Go watch it if you need to exercise your heart a little, in a bad way.

I want to watch Wall-E. And yay!! I've got two mini items for my office desk!

Again to me

2008-08-24T00:14:00.002+08:00

Listening to "Again to me" and I think of my oldman. This is one of his favourite Korean songs. This song reminded me of the conversation that we had that day.

There are so many songs in my playlist that reminded me of him. We share our playlist with each other.. He influences my choice of songs nowadays.

Back to blog later!

fear

2008-08-20T21:44:00.001+08:00

the tears were just falling down,
and my heart races to keep myself nonchanlant
the more i tried, the more i tremble.
and i realise that it is a fear that i have
fear of losing you.

out of the blue

2008-08-17T23:38:00.004+08:00

very out of the blue, yy texted me to meet up for dinner with her and m. headed down to IMM to meet the laughing maniacs after my tuition. I was quite suprised that IMM wasn't crowded for a saturday.

had dinner at Fish & Co. ordered my usual new york fish & chips and free flow of passion fruit. yy had some sambal chili prawns (it was damn delicious) and m had black pepper stingray (damn peppery). it was all laughter. the cartel... wah lao. brings back memories man.

alright, tight budget for the rst of the month. don't know how i've spent.. and whre i've spent my money to.. no taxi rides for the next two weeks!

it so happend that i was picking up the saga seeds (love seeds) when i was on the phone with oldman...

and very out of the blue.. i received a text from oldman this afternoon... i don't remember sending him an text. the last i talked to him was when he was bringing shakespears out in his car and going for breakfast in the morning..

I was looking at hte picture that m sent to me just now.. my hair is really alot longer. rinn and dia met me the other day and both said the same. m also commented that my hair is alot longer. i never thought so until i saw the photo... and now.. it brings back some memory...

m: good luck! i don't need my luck on monday. shall transfer all to you! but be sure to return to me on tuesday.

Vietnam Trip from 20th to 28th Sept

2008-08-17T12:46:00.003+08:00

I'm SGD$220.98 poorer.

As the itinerary stated, I'm going to Vietnam from 20th - 28th Sept!! I will be spending 2 - 3 days in HCMC and the rest of the trip in Hanoi. Haven't make plans on how long I want to be in HCMC. 2-3 days sound fine. I'm getting so excited about the trip!

I've to check early in the morning at 0515hrs! Guess I'm going to the same like what I've done with XM and Max in one of the trips to Thailand, I'm going to be there to ton overnight and wait for the check in time. That's the problem with budget airline. Flights are cheap, but timing is very shitty.

The returning flight isn't any better. I'm touching down on 0125hrs! That's means taking midnight cab home.

Now, a few more things for me to do before I'm ready to go. (Rank according to importance)

1. Decide on mode of transportation from Ho Chi Minh City to Hanoi.
2. Find out about the budge hotels in HCMC; find friend's place to bunk in for the three days in HCMC.
3. Read up about vaccincation that I will need for the the trip, and prepare the medications that I will need.
4. Go read up about Vietnam at Border's and plan the travelling routes
5. Shop for a new backpack.
6. Check and list out the IT gadgets that I will need for the trip.
7. Make sure I have comfy shoes for the trip.
8. Update my songs in my Zen Stone
9. The books that I might want to bring over to read. I got a feelin' that I will take train up to Hanoi from HCMC.

Trip plan

2008-08-17T05:48:00.004+08:00

Spent the past 4 hours on the flights booking. I'm thinking if I should book one way trips on Tiger Airway cos I won't be departing from the same city that I arrived in Vietnam. The schedule that Tiger offer for flying to Hanoi directly is not good. And it is more expensive as well. Alright, I've to make sure that I call in tomorrow (today) first thing in the morning. Promotion's ending tomorrow (today).

I was supposed to fly in to Hanoi and meet Thuy there directly. But since I'm visiting Hanoi, I might as well drop by at Ho Chi Minh City for the first three days and then to Hanoi for the rest of it. I'm comtemplating if I should just buy tickets to HCMC and fly back from HCMC. And take some time to travel from HCMC up to Hanoi and then from Hanoi to HCMC via different transportation modes - ferry, train and bus. But that's going to eat up alot of my $$, time and energy.

Let me think about it again.

Cat Hoarder. Save the Cats!

2008-08-13T23:21:00.004+08:00

I saw Aaron posted this, and went to the writer, Lynn's site. I read everything and decided to re-post this again.

You won't believe it until you see it with your own eyes.

The background:
I heard from Jaime and Penny about this old lady who hoards about 40 cats and 2 dogs in her 3 room HDB. The living condition is so terribly filthy and smelly that it's really not a place for animals to live, let alone human.

The visit :
Last weekend, we went to visit the place. The sight was just ghastly and the stench was unbearable. I was gagging even though I was wearing a mask. Although the windows were sealed shut with plastic sheet, you could smell the stench once you exit from the lift. There were junk laying outside the unit at the lift lobby and corridor. Inside, the place was like the House of Horror - dim and dark, blackened walls, filth and stench filled the place and encompasses you like a cocoon.

There were sick cats and kittens everywhere and they were all scared and hiding. Many were having conjunctivitis eye infection, some having flu and upper respiratory syndrome. According to Jaime, quite alot of kittens have died. The environment is just not conducive because it's dirty and contaminated, causing the virus and germs to be even more contagious.

The cats were all fed a diet of raw chicken heads. The old lady's fridge doesn't work so all raw food are left out for days, to the extend that chicken heads are blackened with decomposition. When Jaime lifted up newspapers that were covering some decomposed chicken heads, she saw many squirming maggots.

The cats have cockroaches for company. The walls were just crawling with roaches and other unidentifiable insects and bugs. They were breeding in the wall crevices and cracks. The floor is smeared with faeces and urine. Some cats were having diarrhea so the whole place is just one huge shithole! (Sorry...lack of a better word to describe the place.)

Roaches and maggots are not the only breeding beings there, even the cats were breeding non-stop because they are not sterilised. Old lady refuses to let anyone bring her cats for sterilisation or even medical treatment. When people try to remove her cats, she threatened to burn the place down, killing both herself and cats. So, we figure that brute force will not work. Just have to slowly try to clean up the place and do whatever we can for the sake of these poor animals.

The National Day mission : Jaime, her sis and Natasha bravely went in with gloves, masks and shower cap to clean up the place. I went in with another gal to smuggle out 3 cats in serious condition and brought them to the vet. One cat, suspected pregnant, seems to be having quite serious UTI (Urinary Tract Infection), and the vets are suspecting that her kidney / liver are malfunctioning. A medium-sized kitten has severe conjunctivitis and diarrhea. And a tiny palm-sized long-hair kitten has such a serious eye infection that one eyeball is about to explode. It's at risk of losing that eye.

I really salute Jaime, her sis and Natasha. Despite the filth and stench, they stayed in there for hours to clean up the place. I was already trying not to puke from the
smell while standing outside the house! Hopefully we'll have enough finances and energy to keep going....

Here's another author's account of the episode : http://maovellous.wordpress.com/2008/08/04/super-heroes/
Pictures:
http://picasaweb.google.co.uk/crystal.chakra/CatHoarding

Treatment for the ankle and history repeating?

2008-08-13T00:16:00.003+08:00

One badminton game cost me more than $100 bucks.

$108 for badminton racket and shuttle cock.
$7 for the badminton courts
$14 for my new Nalgene bottle
$20 for the taxi fare to the chinese physician
$35 for the treatment.

Was supposed to go Kim Tian Road to seek the chinese treatment after work, but ended up working late. Didn't wait till 8pm, called and asked a colleague if they know any good physician to recommend and one of them recommended one which was in Jurong and I was told he was damn good.

I forego Kim Tian's and headed down to Jurong. Took cab down cos it was a very last minute appointment.

The physician was good. He gave me accupuncture. When the needles was connected to the electricity, my foot felt so sore. But after a while, it was very relaxing. After the "relaxing" session, the physician used his body weight and pressed against my acupoints on the left side of my tigh, which hurt alot. It was so painful that I had to use my hand to cover up my mouth, I could felt that my face was turning red (cos I felt heat on my cheeks) and my tears trickled down. But the effect on my foot was awesome.

After the pressing of the acupoints, he went to "pull and twist" my ankle which set my whole foot in the right place. I got up and I could move without that much pain as before. And I was advised to not to walk so much, and if possible, not to walk for the next two days.

Everything cost me $$55 bucks. Treatment = $35, Taxi = $20. But it was worth it. I'm going back there again this Saturday with my spine's x ray.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------

It is such a disappointment.

I will just leave him alone to lead his own life, and I lead my life. And I won't ask him questions or comment much about his whatsoever life that he is leading now. And as of now, I'm not interested in his well-being anymore, and he does not have to worry about mine. He can go make his own merry, that's if he thinks that's all he needs.

weird. why do i see history repeating itself again?

i had too much

2008-08-10T14:28:00.003+08:00

i didn't sleep much last night cos i kept making trips to the toilet. I don't know was it the supper or was it the red wine or was it cos i had too much of food last night.

I'm feeling so groggy now that i dun even feel like doing anything. And the best part is i've agreed to attend johanna's advance birthday celebration. Not that i'm complaining, but i need my bed. And and and, i'm joining Aaron for a badminton game with his friends later after the pinic at Botanical Garden.

Sigh, too eventful yet too not energised.

Friends and the oldman

2008-08-10T01:31:00.000+08:00

Saturday was a good day.

Met up with Larry for dinner at Vivocity. We had our dinner at Earl Swensen. I've heard people telling me how good their food are etc. I tried their Seafood Combo from their Grill series. It was disappointing. I've tried better grills from the hawkers. In fact, my own home made grills are alot better than them! The only thing that I liked was their salad. Their salad buffet was going at $11.80, which I felt was a little too over priced.

Met up with a few secondary school friends at Wine Arcade for red wine. I couldn't remember when was the last time I've touched red wine. I had been been a hard liquor drinker for most of the time. We had a few bottles of red wine, and another bottle of white sparking wine (??) was on the house. I drank pretty lot, and I was damn sure that I was drunk.

But all in all, I had a great time, and I'm looking forward to drinking red wine with my colleagues next thursday at The Wine Company located at Dempsey road.

Ohmama blatantly told me that I OUGHT TO GO lose weight. Well, I'm.

Another reason why it was a good day cos oldman called. The call was very long (as compared to our usual ones), it was half an hour plus. That's going to cost him a bomb. But it was a good conversation. I'm greedy. I want more.

I'm off to bed.

Keeping it low

2008-08-07T23:31:00.002+08:00

The week is passing damn S L O W L Y despite me having alot of work to do.

I've been in a very low profile mode for a period of time. I've been very quiet. I don't crack jokes as often. My laughters are not heard often. I talk lesser. Basically, I'm disappearing into the thin air.

A colleauge messaged me today on our company's messenger

Colleauge A: Are you ok?
myself: yeah. y?
Colleauge A: You look down lately.
myself: No lah. I'm ok.
Colleauge A: Are you sure? I hope you're ok. You've been very quiet.
myself: yes. I'm overwhemed with work.
Colleauge A: Ok then. Hope you're really fine.

While on the bus on the way back, Colleauge B asked me how come I've been so quiet lately, and that I don't make so much noise like before.

Colleauge B: Char Bor, you lately seldom come to my area and make noise liao hor.
Myself: Is it? Maybe too busy bah..
Colleauge B: Yeah lah. Last time will walk past and then make noise, say hi and all.. now.. you seldom talk.
Myself: Busy mah...
Colleauge B: Really meh..last time u also busy.. .
Myself: now is super duper busy
Colleague B: gey siao
Myself: No lah, i tio marked liao. need to tone down.
Colleauge B: *gasps*

A colleague had been asked to leave due to her work atttitude. Well, she steps into the office at 10am and leaves at 5pm. I'm sure if I'm ever asked to leave, it won't be because of this. Anyway, I've toned down not because I'm afraid of being asked to leave, but cos there are too much stuff for me to take care of and they need a high level of concentration.

Now I know when's my peak period. It's from March - September. Matches my contract's period as well. What an coincidence.
----------------------------------------------
Oldman hasn't been contacting me since Monday. He said he will be back home on Wednesday.
There's no phone call or email or even a short text message from him. I missed his voice initially. But now, I worry more than I miss him.

he is an idiot.

I realised that I can't take it when I miss someone. I wonder how long more can I endure this?

Brazillian Wax cont'd

2008-08-07T03:45:00.000+08:00

I slept at 6.30pm and woke up at 2.00am. I remembered I've to check on BW again.

Most of my close friends (or people who read my blog) know that I've wanted to get Brazillian Wax (BW) since a long time ago.. and today, Amanda texted me and told me there's a cheap and good deal at Fabulous Tan for waxing!

So we've agreed to meet up next Wednesday at 7pm to do it together!

I read up the forum at Flowerpod just now... everyone mentioned that it was painful. But most said it was worth the pain. Some said they felt clean, and more hygenic, and some even said their bfs love it.

I even came along this post saying that the pubic hair (for women) guide the pee. And those who went through BA (The Hollywood ones) have a messy time when pee-ing cos they have no more hair down there to guide the pee. Hahaha. I almost fell of my chair when I read that. How true is that?

I'm getting very excited, and am looking forward to the waxing sesssion!

Ciao. Going back to sleep.

Another tuesday

2008-08-06T01:29:00.000+08:00

i'm pretty disappointed with a good friend of mine cos for something simple, he told a lie. It was a very small matter, but it is because it was a very small matter, that's why such disappointment.

---------------------------------------

Headed off to Jurong East Popular bookshop with Thomas yesterday evening to get the book which he had showed off to me. They were hard covers selling at low price. I've got myself three books for just $28!

1. Dont' Blow The Interview Ralph Ferrone
2. The Four Elements of Success Laurie Beth Jones
3. Everyday Greatness Reader's Digest

I had wanted No. 2 and No. 3 back then but it was very expensive. And seeing that they are at such low price, I hesitated no more and make purchase. Thomas was telling me that Popular announced that they are making a profits in their recent finance review, and they are clearing their old stocks. So that means more cheap books from Popular! So do watch out if you're a bookworm.

Met up with Daniel after that to get his running shoes together at Jurong Point. I was so tempted to buy that pair of running shoes as well, but hold back because I knew I'm gonna spent the money on a brand new badminton racket and shuttlecocks. (I just did!) We had Subway for dinner. It was great. I've always love hanging out with Daniel cos we can just bitched about anything or everything.

Been sick for almost two weeks (down with flu) and I've recovered, so I guess it is time that I drag myself back into the gym and starts running on the treadmill. And I'm trying to get myself back into badminton games (regularly). So far, had not started a game though.

Visited Queensway shopping centre with Max and Stan. My initial idea was to go to Sim Lim and get the DS Lite. Thank god I didn't. Otherwise I would be making an impulsive purchase. Stan got his pair of running shoes. Max didn't get the slippers that he wanted, but got himself a knee guard. I got myself a brand new badminton racket! For a change, I purchase a Head brand. People have been telling me to get Yonex if I want to go for badminton stuff, but I tried the Head racket, it was't that bad. Now, all the rackets (squash, tennis and badminton) are Heads! I spent $100 (not alot) on the racket, so I've to make sure I play the sports!

Note to self: Stop eating so much and work out more. 14th Sept is approaching fast!
Note to self again: Get the dress ready for the big day!
Note to self one last time: To do some maintenance to the hair and skin!

Ain't shallow here.

2008-08-04T13:35:00.004+08:00

No, my pool here ain't shallow.
It looks shallow.
But no, my pool here ain't shallow.
It is deeper than it looks.
And be careful, if you've decided to jump into it.
Cos, you might not know what's lurking underneath.

I don't see it as a porn

2008-08-04T01:24:00.002+08:00

No, my previous post wasn't any porn. It was some medical studies ( I deemed it that way) that helped people to understand how to have sex better. I thought it would be good to share with you guys, especially those who're have poor sex life / doggy style-idiot. It was a pity that I couldn't find more of such videos of different styles.. but but but.. if i ever do come across any more, I will still post it up here.

A friend texted me " Can't believed you posted porn on your blog. Top 10 Some more (on Ping.sg)" Well, I wasn't expecting to be in the top 10 and neither was it my wish or intention to be there. Now now, if the content of the entry was the contributing factor to be listed in the Top 10, then I ain't proud. But then again, who cares? It is my blog, a platform for me to pen down my thoughts, and to update my happenings to my friends.

Ever since the "informal interview" two weeks back, my working attitude has been changed. I'm glad it has, cos I'm alot happier. Note: I was happy, just that I'm happier now. I have great weekends now. I don't work over the weekends. And I don't stress myself over work now. Cos, I'm looking elsewhere.

I want a permanent position (nothing sexual here!), not a contract or temporary position. I was caught in between to leave or to stay. But I've decided to look for a better opportunity and will leave once it comes. I will only stay if my curret company increases my pay to my desired amount, or offers me a peramanent position.

Seriously, I've no qualms about being a contract staff, but the indifferences between the perm. and contract staff in this company is so huge that I can't take it anymore. Remember that I'm a Libran? I want fairness and justice. I wonder if the HR sees that they have a problem in managing their people. Didn't they realise that people are also the company's assets?

Enough ranting about my work.

I had a great weekend. Spent quality time chilling out with friends, and spending time alone to rest and relax my mind. I'm so looking forward to next weekends cos I'm going to be home cleaning up my house, and going to re-organise my layout of my furnitures in my room.

Goodnight people. And, to the strangers reading this, have wet dreams.

Guide to Doggy Style.

2008-08-02T20:23:00.003+08:00

This is a very interesting video which I found from a porn site. I've never seen how a penis looks like when it is inside a vagina. (how to?!) Interesting.

Partner Equilibristic

2008-08-02T14:25:00.000+08:00

Partner Equilibristic - Watch a funny movie here

shutting it down

2008-08-02T03:15:00.003+08:00

This blog, has somehow become meaningless because alot of people know about this. And because of that, there are alot of thoughts and ideas which I'm restricted to pen them down here. I still prefer writing my diary. But I've dropped that a year ago. Anyway, I'm thinking of shutting it (this blog) down and start elsewhere anonymously.. but i doubt i will ever let that happen. well, we shall see.

the week's gone like that... without me noticing. I've been looking foward to every weekends, because that's the only chance i only get to spend time with my friends.

although i may be quiet about it,
although i may not make much comments,
although i may not start any argument,
although i appear to be nonchalant about it,
that doesn't mean that i'm happy about it.

i hate how people grab attention of others by trying too hard.
I hate it when people are too eager to please
or when people jumps into buying the good books of others,

again, you know damn well how i hate liars,
and how sensitive i'm,
or how smart am i at piecing stories together, especially the facts
so that i could get the whole picture.

And so, don't let me catch you lying. i will just shut you off from me forever.

i've said my piece and that if you want to carry on to behave in that manner,
go ahead. you won't get much attention from me anymore.

Turn Me On by Norah Jones

2008-07-31T01:33:00.000+08:00

Like a flower waiting to bloom
Like a lightbulb in a dark room
I'm just sitting here waiting for you
To come home and turn me on

Like the desert waiting for the rain
Like a school kid waiting for the spring
I'm just sitting here waiting for you
To come on home and turn me on

My poor heart, it's been so dark since you been gone
After all, you're the one who turns me off
You're the only one who can turn me back on

My hi-fi's waiting for a new tune
The glass is waiting for some fresh ice cubes
I'm just sitting here waiting for you
To come on home and turn me on
Turn me on

I'm blessed

2008-07-28T23:56:00.004+08:00

A few concerned colleauges came over and asked me what are my plans now, since I'm almost done with my diploma. They also mentioned that I wouldn't want to be doing what I'm doing for a long period of time. I'm taken aback by what they've said and is touched by their concern.

And to make me in a more difficult spot, my boss came to me and told me that he's asked HR to given me incentives in my upcoming pay to show appreciation for the hard work that I've put in. He couldn't remember how much was it, but both the figures that he had mentioned is considerably quite attractive. I was kinda happy, not that I'm receiving the incentives but rather that I felt appreciated.

I made a joke deep down that perhaps he's given me the "Golden Handshake". Golden Handshake means giving you $$$ and shake your hand, and ask you to leave.

Anyhow, a colleauge who I nick named him to be my father in my department was telling me to move on as well cos I'm not learning much at my current position. Although he wasn't very welcomed by alot of people, his working styles and attitude is not well liked by alot, he's still a nice person. Guess I'm the only one who could tolerate that. To be frank, I cherish all the opportunities that allowed me to have a proper conversation with him. The reason being is he really explain alot of things to me, and taught me how things work, be it technical terms, or working with human. One thing that I dislike is that he's a little negative and have no faith in the basic human nature. Anyhow, I still respect him.

The memory of me crying the very next morning after I left my previous company just surface up this morning when I was alone in the office applying for a job online. I haven't say much about my feelings with my former company that's because it was too hurtful to be mentioned. I remembered how painful it was that morning when I woke up, I remembered how I called Betty and cried to her over the phone, ended up both of us were crying together. Even while typing this, my eyes are tearing. I've got a group of very good colleauges whom I loved alot despite the disagreements, but as a department we still ended up united. I miss the times when I was working with them. We had so much fun and laughter. We shared alot of news and gossips. We worked hard and brainstormed to make things work. We raised our voices at each other before. We were a great team.

I'm not saying my current team is not good. They are good, and I must say that I've been very blessed to have such a wonderful team, as compared to others. My colleagues are fun loving and they take care of me (could be because I'm the youngest), especially Ohmama and A.Jiejie. I wonder how long... will this last. There's gonna be a day when I say goodbye to all of them.

-----------------------------------------------------------
I pick myself up fast when I fall.
Hence, I can afford to let myself fall as many times as I want, and as I could.
This is one thing that's good about me.
拿得起，放得下。
I still remember that day when Jiahui asked me
"Are you sure you need to rely on a man?"
And no. I still pick myself up fast when I fall.

Nothing happened. It's just a thought only.
----------------------------------------------------------

I bumped into my brother with his friends this evening after work at Jurong Point. I had no where to go and was looking for something to do. I invited myself to join him and his friedns for dinner.

me: let me go dinner with you and your friends
bro: cannot lah. i'm with my friends. weird.
me: it's ok. I'm friendly.
bro: no.
me: are you guys gays!
bro: no
me: pleeease!
bro: no.
me: why are you doing this to me! I'm your sister leh.
bro: for today, you're not my sister. *laughs*
me: hahhahaha ok. see you back home.

My brother's so funny.

empty

2008-07-28T21:08:00.002+08:00

What Your City Walk Means

You are optimistic and hopeful. Sometimes you do get disappointed by expecting too much.

You are generally confident and friendly with strangers. You are well mannered and sociable.

Money is fairly important to you. You aren't super greedy, but you enjoy spending money on yourself.

You enjoy the world around you, and you thrive on new environments. You can be easily surrounded by natural or man made beauty.

The City Walk Personality Test

You Are Picky When it Counts

Like most sane women, you want a great guy who will treat you well.

But you're also willing to put up with a few flaws in your Mr. Right

You should congratulate yourself on having a realistic approach to dating.

You probably have quite a few great guys you can date!

Are You Too Picky When It Comes To Men?

You Don't Need a Man ... or Want One!

Generally, you're very happy being a single woman.

And anyone who has a problem with that... well, that's there problem.

Not that you wouldn't share your life with the almost perfect guy.

You simply won't settle though. Your life is too good to share with some substandard man!

Do You Need a Man?

You Are Pretty Happy Being Single

You have a full, fun life. And you definitely don't need love to be content.

Of course, being single can get you down a little. Especially when you've been single for a while.

But you know how to be patient and wait for the right person. You're life is too good to settle for anything!

Are You Happy Being Single?

自我谈判

2008-07-27T02:30:00.002+08:00

我在和自己的心灵谈判，想更了解我自己
最近的空气是沉闷的。。
回想从前，发现自己是有多么的幼稚
仔细地再想一遍，原来我要的不是这样
一切是否已成定局？
如果能够把我带回过去
我会选择我没做出的决定，
这样，今天的我会更好过些。

The Dark Knight Again and The thing about trust...

2008-07-25T01:47:00.003+08:00

Been a few days since I last updated here with just lyrics of a song.

Time passes by very fast and before I know it, Friday is already here.
Went to take my Buisness Law supplementary paper, which I'm not very confident of passing. I got a feeling that I've to fork out another sum of money to repeat this module again. Let's just keep my fingers crossed.

My brother and I went to Jurong Point to meet up with big bro for The Dark Knight. I still enjoyed the movie alot despite having watched it once. I guess I'm never sick of Batman. Big Bro says he still like Penguin best. I like Joker. I think he's smart.

It was quite a funny exchange of sms-es between big bro and I. This happened after I hung up with him confirming that we will meet up for the movie.

BB: Fatman calling robin and catwoman.. time 8.30pm, location JP cinema.. Expect heavy gun fight n damn mother fxxxer explosion. Take cover. Over.

I was laughing away when i saw that. I wanted to reply but was still busy.. and his second sms came..

BB: Calling catwoman and robin, where are u?
me: On the way to Gotham with reinforcement. Over.
BB:Send me by Bat Tank, I'm under serious attack. Quick.
me: Bat Tank is under upgrading. Send you bat pod? Or do you want me to get Alfred down?
BB: O no.. My bat bicycle is my only hope now.. Quick.

Well. We managed to get our asses down to JP 5 mins before 8.30pm despite the heavy rain, cos i called a cab! And it was bloody expensive. A movie ticket's price.

I remembered the last time I was out with my brother and big bro, it was raining very heavily as well. Let me see if it happens for the third time, and if it does, I'm not going to go out with them.
-------------------------------------------------------

It was sad to know that Desmond's father has passed away due to cancer. Met Eric this afternoon after the exam and he told me that. He didn't have a good sleep for the past two nights. I hope Desmond feels ok.. which reminds me, to send him an sms tomorrow morning.

-------------------------------------------------------

Was planning to bring Kaeser out to the zoo this saturday, but the poor kid has got high fever. And according to his mom, he isn't being very coporative. The boy just refuse to be touched by anyone when he's sick. No cooling pad on his forehead allowed, no towel to wipe off his perspiration allowed, no "sayang-ing" allowed. However, he loves his dosage of syrup, cos they are in strawberry flavor. MC said after one teaspoons, he screamed for more. aiyo.. kids are just... so... funny.
-------------------------------------------------------

I recalled how hurtful i felt the other night when a co-worker casually make a remark over some news that i shared with her. Well, I wasn't expecting that kind of reaction from her, but thanks to her, it pulled me out and stopped me from drowning in.

As my favourite Betty Ma always say :夹着尾巴做人; to translate it directly is "hide your tails and act human" or rather, to be a hypocrite.

Betty said many times to me that I will have problem in bein' a hypocrite cos I'm a genuine person who shows how i feel, and being a very frank person, I take no nonsense and I go for whatever confrontations that I could grab hold of. And because of my outgoing personality and my ignorance in the ugly human nature, I tend to be a good victim for people to make use of and get hurt in the end.

Well, my motto is to forgive but never to forget. But I think with me getting older each day, I forget to forgive. Hahah. ok on a serious note, I forgive and I forget; hence forgot how dangerous some people could be, and me, myself and I let history repeats again.

So I shall remind myself again: Be a hero to myself, keep a watch out.

A very close colleauge in my current company told me that I'm very street-wise, and that she doesn't see me as a simple girl. She says the "water runs deep". Lol. I beg to differ. I want to see it that I'm after simple things - mutual trust and respect among ourselves. What i meant by mutual trust is that I trust whatever that you say and will not question your credibility. I don't like to question what you are or who you are. However, no question from me doesn't mean that I trust you completely, hence don't test my trust level in you.

okie seriously, I'm not that simple. But i don't think i will need to wreck my brain that much to be a scheming person if I'm forced by circumstances to be one.

And i foresee that I will have to be one in my current work place... which I'm not lookin' forward to.

And it is time.. to look around for a better job?

Better In Time by Leona Lewis

2008-07-20T14:20:00.001+08:00

It's been the longest winter without you
I didn't know where to turn to
See somehow I can't forget you
After all that we've been through

Go in, come in, thought I heard a knock
Who's there? No one, thinking that I deserved it
Now I realize that I really didn't know
You didn't notice, you mean everything
Quickly I'm learning to love again
All I know is, I'ma be okay

Thought I couldn't live without you
It's gonna hurt when it heals too, oh yeah
(It'll all get better in time)
Even though I really loved you
I'm gonna smile 'cause I deserve to
(It'll all get better in time)

How could I turn on the TV
Without something there to remind me?
Was it all that easy
To just put aside your feelings?

If I'm dreaming, don't wanna let, hurt my feelings
But that's the path, I believe in
And I know that, time will heal it
You didn't notice, you mean everything
[ Better In Time lyrics found on http://www.completealbumlyrics.com ]
Quickly I'm learning to love again
All I know is, I'ma be okay

Thought I couldn't live without you
It's gonna hurt when it heals too, oh yeah
(It'll all get better in time)
Even though I really loved you
I'm gonna smile 'cause I deserve to
(It'll all get better in time)

Since there's no more you and me
It's time I let you go so I can be free
And live my life how it should be
No matter how hard it is, I'll be fine without you
Yes, I will

Thought I couldn't live without you
It's gonna hurt when it heals too, oh
(It'll all get better in time)
Even though I really loved you
I'm gonna smile 'cause I deserve to, yes, I do
(It'll all get better in time)

Thought I couldn't live without you
It's gonna hurt when it heals too, yeah
(It'll all get better in time)
And even though I really loved you
I'm gonna smile 'cause I deserve to

Another Saturday gone.

2008-07-20T05:03:00.004+08:00

Visting MC and the kids seemed like yesterday. Nah, it was last week! I can't believe that the week just passed by like that!

Met up with YY to get my camera back and had dinner with her at Botak Jones. We had their famous Cajun Chicken and the Egg Salad. Egg salad was not bad, but a little over priced. Headed over to Jurong West and did some shopping. Bought three tops and one bottoms. You'll be surprised by the choice of colors that I've chosen. My first and ever white bottoms, and pink top!

I saw the pictures that YY took from her Redang trip. I want to go to the beach too! MC mentioned she wanted to go Thailand, and I'm going with her in August. YY's planning to join in as well, and how about M? Wanna join us?

Watched Red Cliff. It was great. One of the best movie that I've watch for Three Kingdom's. I'm looking forward to the sequel. Think I'm going to dig up some Three Kingdom's books to read, I felt that I could pick up some tips on how to deal with ugly human from it.

---------------------------

Baby, just wanna tell you that you're too dear for me to hurt. and we both owe each other an explanation. =p

i love my baby.

Some events over the past few days..

2008-07-18T00:42:00.005+08:00

It's Batman madness!! Went to catch The Dark Knight courtesy of Nokia. Got free tickets from Nokia, I think they were having some events etc.

Christian Bale is awesome! I bet there's no one who can play Batman better than him! Anyway, I'm a bad writer for movie reviews, so i will skip this!

Which Side Are You On?

Met up with Max for dinner at Kushinbo. Expensive but worth it!

Here's what I did to myself in my sleep when I've a chipped finger nail. I've a scar on my face which was gone. Thank god.

Troubles surfacing

2008-07-17T09:17:00.001+08:00

I'm facing some hiccups at my work and I'm guessing that the honeymoon period over here is coming to an end soon. Two concerned colleagues were nice enough to warn me about what's going on and that I should lay low. I sensed troubles, and I'm in troubles. It seems like I'm always getting myself into troubles without knowing it. And I don't like it.

Why do I always get misunderstood by others?

Sigh.

I don't know what to say. And I doubt I will say anything to anybody in the office, or outside the office.

Past being past, is just past.

2008-07-16T02:10:00.003+08:00

u know, there are times where you don't give a fuck to what you're going to say be it hurtful or not, you're still gonna say your piece to your best friends so that they could either better themselves or pick themselves up.

i'm glad i've got friends who did that to me, and likewise i will do that to my friends as well. and if cos of the hurtful truths, friendships were ruined, i won't be upset at all because that shows how deep the friendship runs.

i'm getting a little philosophical tonight. and i'm going to quote my fav. one

Past is not meant to hold you down, but to make your clearer of what you want for your future, and to act as a reminder of not to live past again. And if you ever meet something that bogged you down, it is alright for you to be depressed, to get upset or to even turn yourself away from the world, but that's only for a short while. We all need to re-surface again. That's how life is. The earth doesn't stop spinning, and people around you move on. Take a break, embrace what's coming for you.

All of us have a story to tell. The only difference is whether our story is worth telling or not. But I'm sure, each story is unique, and they are worth sharing. And being our own story, we have our own rights and nobody has the rights to comment our what previous actions cos I'm sure, whatever actions what was carried out by us, we've borned the consequences, or are bearing the consequences now.

I've been telling people around me that I like people with past, especially bad past cos that makes them a person now. Without the past, the person won't be of substance.

I talked rubbish. It's a sign that I need to go sleep.

Buddy and his umbrella

2008-07-15T01:24:00.002+08:00

Max being the buddy was sweet enough to came to the coffeeshop to look for me with an unbrella. Although I complained that that unbrella was too small for both of us, but I'm glad that this buddy of mine actually came and picked me up with the umbrella. All thanks to him, I'm home and be able to sleep soon. I was dozing off at the coffeeshop while waiting for the rain to stop...

and before i said goodbye to him how big my tummy has gotten. he was shocked. he told me the tummy wasn't that big last week. well, drinking makes it big. I'm returning back to gym tomorrow and I need to run the tracks again. I've gotta control the drinking and the snacks. Otherwise I can't make it for 14th Sept's wedding.

I came home to see mum and bro finishing the durian. They left one durian for me which I didn't even managed to finish up. I only had 3 seeds of the flesh. And I'm calling it for the day.

I'm off to bed. Need at least 4 hrs of sleep.

Wala Wala on Monday night.

2008-07-15T00:37:00.000+08:00

It was an impromptu thing for us. A colleague was asking if we wanted to go for a drink after work. I was planning to work till late again cos we just shifted to the new office and I wasted the whole day settling things, and not getting much work done. But somehow, I didn't feel right today and decide to dump work to relax with my colleagues.

Didn't make a wrong decision on that. It was a great chilling out session. Had a lot of fun time laughing and making jokes out of nothing with the colleagues. We had four ladies and one man.

The live band at Wala Wala wasn't that bad. The songs that they performed were my all times favourites.

Ohmama was there as well. I'm going to miss her badly when she leaves. But I'm sure we'll still be in touch. I told her what happened at my ex company, something that I didn't even want to blog about because it was too painful for me to bring it up here. The reason why I told her was because I wanted to let her know that I love where and what I'm doing now, and that I feel blessed and everything is a blessing in disguise.

It's raining now and I'm blogging on my N95. The rain seems to take forever to stop. I should have went home straight.

The happy weekend that lasted too short.

2008-07-14T01:08:00.004+08:00

The weekend is over.

I'm going to pen down of what happened during this weekend. I thought it was well spent. A good and relaxin' one that is.

I started on Jodi Picoult's My Sister's Keepers. I read the book while I was travelling to places. Well, I didn't travel much. I only travelled to Eunos and back to Boon Lay. It was a page turner. I took a peek at the ending. It was a sad, yet touching ending. I'm damn sure that I will be tearing when I read towards the end of the book.

Andrea was organising a party at her place to celebrate Abdul's birthday. She invited a few of our common friends as well. VJ was lamenting that they haven't seen me for a long time and that it was time to meet up and do some catching up. I didn't wanted to go because I was having a slight flu and wanted to rest at home to catch up the sleep that I've lost due to the past two hectic weeks. Anyway, thinking that I haven't met up with them since I've left my previous company, I decided to get down to send my birthday wish.

I showed up with a bottle Jack Daniel. The rest had their vodkas and martini. Andrea and Abdul were very good hosts. I'm not surprised. Andre was with the events company before. And Abdul was funny big time. I've met him so many times and last night was the first time that I've seen him talked and laughed so much. He was drunk lah. He kept repeating "Baby, give me five". Azli was there with his guitar and played a few songs - a mixture of romantic love songs and soft rock. And we played Charade! All time favourite!

VJ was there with his DSLR. I was having fun checking the DSLR out and that made me even more determined to get the camera. I took the chance to take more pictures and I'm still waiting for him to upload the pictures.

I spent my sunday nursing a bad hangover. It was later in the noon when oldman sent me a text, I woke up. Spent some time online chatting with Max and we're planning to organise a steamboat session, which I think will not materialise due to the inavaibility of an event. And just now, he was telling me that Jason suggested a BBQ. I love BBQ! Bring that on man! Anyway, keeping my fingers crossed that we'll have a gathering soon.

Oldman called and we chatted for a while. He was talking alot - as according to his text after we hung up. Lol. That's what i liked about him also.

Visited MC and the kids in the late evening. I haven't seen the boys for a long time. Kaeser's so much taller now! And Kaeden's so grown as well! Both are still so adorable. The only thing is Kaeser's grow to be naughtier. He was faking cries when he couldn't get what he wanted. That was his way to bully his mother - MC. Anyway, he was caught playing with the electricity power plug, which was considered dangerous for the kids. I immediately pulled him away and smacked (lightly) on his hand and said sternly that he is not allowed to play with that. He started to pout and cried, which I smacked (lightly) on his butt and told him firmly that "Don't cry on me. No use. I'm not your mummy". Which he shuts up immediately and walked away. Wahahah. He walked over to the sofa and sat there quietly fuming mad at me. I walked over sat beside him and told him why I scolded him. I doubt he understood what I was saying. I said my piece, he looked at me and pouted his lips again. And nope, he didn't cry. And I gave him his blue puppy soft toy and he sayang me.

Looking at how my good friend "disciplines" her kids, I'm sure she's going to get very bullied. I cannot imagine when Kaeden's more grown when he can walk... cos as a baby now, he's very attention seeking as well. Always wailing and screaming for attention. But then, he's a happy baby. He smiles alot and laughs alot, that's when you made him to.

Am planning to bring Kaeser to the zoo. (!!!) Remember when he was just a newborn, I was talking to him and asking him if he could grow up faster so that I can bring him to the zoo. And now, he can walk and climb and run. Time passes by very fast hur...

I'm off to bed. Have a great week ahead people.

Oldman

2008-07-13T19:11:00.003+08:00

oldman's sick. was in bed the whole saturday.

he called ealier on and still sounded bad.

hope he gets well soon.

for the many things that he shared with me, i think my oldman is smart.

i'm proud of my oldman.

Random

2008-07-12T21:33:00.002+08:00

Thinking back, I feel like a fool.

Anyway, Chris Daughtry's songs are great. Listened to most of them on Youtube.com Guess I will grab his CD off the shelves next weekends.

Note to self: To grab Meatloaf's albums as well.

I went to straighten my hair. And now, I've straighter but uglier hair.

This is for the blog stalker.

2008-07-12T17:55:00.004+08:00

This is for a Blog Stalker.

And if you want to waste time on asking me useless questions, I would suggest that you go volunteer yourself to interview the citizens on their views on the ERP system, and do us a good deed, start a strike on Orchard Road. Make something happen.

I have eyes, and I can see. I know what observations is, and I'm good with that as well. I can analyse. I don't need you to tell me what's right or wrong. And you don't have to work that extra hard, or go that extra miles to hide your guilt. It will still be a failure.

I don't have patience for your grandmother stories. I don't wish to know what you had to go through to jump the queue so that you could get the item that's selling at 50% off. I don't wish to hear gossips of who is having affair with who. And it is not my concern if you brother's wife's brother-in-law's cousin's boyfriend is a friend of whoever's whoever and whoever is related to any celebrity.

Keep your wealth with you. Don't be a show off. Don't come showing me off on your wheels by telling me you want to drive me around in your latest ride. I'm not interested. I rather walk. And don't tell tell me that you are going to move to East Coast Road or Orchard Road. You don't have to tell me that you have alot of cash and can buy me stuffs that I want. You won't win me over. I rather plant my own crops.

And so, leave me alone and get out of my sight if possible, for I've got no idea how am I ever to communicate with you if you're what i described in the above.

Updates

2008-07-12T14:12:00.004+08:00

Weekend's here! phew. It was a hectic week for me, and am glad that weekend is finally here! I'm going to start on the book that I bought earlier of this week. And probably sit down to draw some silly stuff, if not tidy up my room.

There's a very strong flu virus in the office. Alot of people are sick, and so am I. Down with cought and slight flu.

I was so beaten yesterday that I wanted to cancel the tuition and head home to sleep straight away. But having put the tuition on hold for such a long time due to my exams, I felt bad for letting the kiddos wait. Dragged myself to teach. LP's making my blood boil. I made the lessons interesting by engaging them to walk around the house to find the different type of simple machines... She saw it as a kind of race and was rushing to get the paper filled up with answers. But all answers were craps! *faints*

Just in case you guys are wondering, I working on 4 tuition assignments at the moment. So, it is still the same for me - leading a busy life. (=

Anyway, had wanted to get home after the tuition but Max called and said the gang are heading down for a drink at New Asia Bar. Thought would be good to hang out with the buddies. I put on a very long face yesterday, I don't know why. I wasn't feeling great at all. It could be because that I'm tired.

Note to self: Never to drinking when I'm tired.

And one more paper to go on 24th July! Business Law! Supplementary paper that is. And hopefully I only have to do one supplementary paper for the exam that I just took.

Ok, out for tuition now.

Have a good weekend people!

i worry too much

2008-07-10T05:00:00.002+08:00

i woke up with a slight blocked nose and was heaving a bad headache. was hoping tht it won't developed into a bad flu. and work wasn't smooth today.

i was in a very bad mood today. cos everyone seemed to be stepping on my tail at work, especially the safe box compmany who was going to charge me ridiculous price for something that was not faulted by me. it's always like that. they're always charging for something that's not worth it. they were the one who failed to verify the problem over the phone and had to send one guy down. and by sending on guy down, that means paying $80 - $100. although it was my company who's going to pay for it, but i find this money not worth spent at all. i meant, it is their inefficiency that couldnt' tell me what was the problem over the phone, so they shouldnt' even charge me. and the guy was very rude. he insisted that i was the one who forgot the codes to my safe. the words and tone. blardy hell.

office's moving. people are travelling. global colleagues are chasing me. and i've yet to revise for my strategic markteing.

i made boss laughed. and had small chat. remind me to write on this again.

---------------------------------------------------
after reading the newsletter that he forwarded to me, i grew so worried that my eyes were wet.
i can't explain that feelings in me. it was not just worry, but fear as well. it's very silly but yeah, that was what i felt lah.

the place that he's living in is so dangerous. people seemed to walk around armed.

shakespears's fetched home. i hope drip's taken off. and that the little guy's feeling alot better, so that old man is better as well.

he's sick. down with a bad cough. could hear it over the phone.

sleep. needs to wake up 4 hrs later for revision.

complications with the oldman

2008-07-09T00:05:00.003+08:00

he was the one who suggested we should stop communicating for a period of time. and yet he said he couldn't do it.

and i doubt i could either.

please explain what's all this feelings that's going on inside me.
he told me it's strange that he's feeling this way.

and we're both scared. maybe we should really cool down and not contact each other for a few days.

God, please bless the little guy. Give him strength and make him well again, so that oldman smiles again, and sleeps better.

God bless Shakespears.

2008-07-08T19:39:00.001+08:00

God please bless Shakespears, so that it won't break oldman's heart.

2008-07-08T16:35:00.001+08:00

The doc needs to operate on Shakespear.
:(

I need to travel

2008-07-08T04:00:00.000+08:00

For the Sunrises and Sunsets

For the peace

For the streets

For the fun

For the food

Simple pleasures + oldman

2008-07-07T23:31:00.007+08:00

Marketing Communication paper wasn't as though as Marketing Research, but still, this paper needs prayers as well. I don't know what the hell is wrong with me this semester to be not able to concentrate at all. I've got one more main and one more supplementary paper to go!

I'm returning to work tomorrow (sigh). There's so many things that I've to attend to and plus the move that's happening this week doesn't help at all. And everyone's chasing after me for prototypes. double sigh.

Met up with Daniel earlier on to pass him his very belated birthday presents. We were wanting to have japanese food for dinner, but it was damn too crowded and the queues seemed to be never ending. And so we headed to Soup Restaurant instead.

I was a very good meal. We had the set meals for two person and everything came to $61. It was worth it. We had stir fried kailan with dang gui and oyster sauce(?) stir fried fish slice, pork ribs lotus soup and their famous Samsui chicken. We were both so full that we didn't want to move.

Daniel wanted to go NTUC to get his toilet rolls. And I got myself the Magic Clean Wipe! The stick and the wipe. *grins* I love it.

Walked passed Popular bookstore and went in to get myself some drawing materials. Had wanted to get myself some oil based watercolor but decided that I won't be on the track that fast. Got myself some oil pastels. Its funny. I don't know what I want to draw yet. I just know that I need to draw, and do some coloring or painting. I was comtemplating to do chinese calligraphy. But the last time that I did a proper one was like 8 years ago?

There was a sale going one for novels. Buy one and get one free..shared the cost with Daniel. Gotten myself Jodi Picoult's My Sister's Keeper. I was told by Daniel that it's a pretty good book. Just read the sysnopsis and seems like it's going to be another book that make me tear like Torey Hayden's. Am going to start this book this weekend.

Oh, and I got myself two albums. Jason Mraz's "We Sing, We Dance. We Steal Things". Bravo album. I love it. And I finally gotten my greatest hits of Rod Stewart.

It was a good evening spent. Simple pleasures. Good shopping. Good dinner. And great time spent with good friend.
----------------------------------------------

I felt like a spendrift today. Well, yes. I spent almost up to $100 today. It was like a retail therapy. All cos oldman told me he needed retail therapy and I ended up going through one while he slogs in his office. I almost wanted to call and scream at him.

The usual, we were exchanging texts to check on each other. He wasn't feelin' good. The poor oldman skipped his lunch today cos he had no time at all.

me: how's your day? bla bla bla

oldman: Hetic! I'm trying to split myself between meetings and reports. I am a bit stressed. Having a rough one. Think I need to go for retail therapy. Shopping will make me feel better but no time for that. hehehe. If i asked you to hold me... Would you?

When I read the text, I was browsing through the CDs in the CD shop, and the shop was playing 许如芸- 如果云知道

me: yes. As long as I could and as long as you want.

text was sent over. I was quite taken aback by my own reply to him.

oldman: Hmmm. Carefull. I might not let go. Hehehe

me: Don't Let go then.

oldman: You are such a tease! I bet you say that to all the boys. hehehe

wtf. I was feeling slightly pissed off. I was there telling him something that I meant from the bottom of my heart. and i got that kind of response from him.

me: You should know if I was teasing you or not.

Oldman reply the text but not related to what I said. He asked how was my food hunt and what's my favourite food.

This oldman has created a few interests in my friends and they PM-ed me, asked me who this oldman was. Some thought oldman's my boss. lol. Nope. and I'm not telling. hehehe
---------------------------------------

M was very busy today. Hope everything's ok!

---------------------------------------
Walked the same route with you.
Took the same train home with you.
And i felt at peace. I didn't feel anything at all.
I'm glad.

of M, Max, Loots from USA and the Oldman

2008-07-07T03:50:00.000+08:00

Having slept her morning hours like it was sleeping time, and chatting on msn with me ( and possibly some other friends) in the wee hours like it was afternoon time for the longest period, I wonder how is this woman - M going to start her first day at work as early as 9.30am. And she stated on her blog that she needs to be awake by 7.45am

My darlin' M, wishing you all the best for your first day of work and may all the forces be with you so that you won't doze off in front of your pc half way through and waking up for tea break at 10.30am.

And remember Sam's tactic - to smile sweetly and yet professionally to your new colleauges and you'll be blessed!

Anyway, bottomline is - I'm glad you're starting work and have fun on your first day! Best of luck!
----------------------------------------
I've been making and taking alot of overseas calls lately. Colleagues from Europe and the other Asian countries, cousins and oldman's calls that is. I just hung up with my cousin. She's calling to ask if I want to get a Coach bag and that it is dirt cheap there. I've always like this Coach wallet alot and told her to get it only if it is very cheap. According to her, they are having a 50% sales. Alright, time to pamper myself and get the wallet. But not sure if they have stocks.

I've always liked Bath and Body Works' products. Cousin introduced them to me three years back and since then, I've been trying to stock up the goods because they don't do shipping for online purchase that's out of the States. And this time round, both my cousin's are there and I grabbed hold of the opportunity to stock up my body butter and the shampoo.

I'm waiting patiently for her transit here in Singapore while on the way back to Penang. But when she's here, I'm going to be at least $300 poorer. They were some other stuff which she's paid for bro and mum as well.

I wanted to get a watch as well cos mine's not ticking properly. But I haven't set my eyes on any watch yet, so I will give it a pass. Anyway, I don't want to spend money just cos stuffs are cheap, and ended up spending money on something that I don't really like.
----------------------------------------
I haven't step into office since Thursday and will only be back on Tuesday, and my auto reply from my mailbox left a friendly message to let my colleauges to contact me should they need me. And indeed, they did. So I've been working on and off desipte me being on leaves.
----------------------------------------
Met up with Max and Daniel just now for dinner-cum-supper at Tiong Bahur's Hong Kong Cafe. I had my usual favourite - Fried rice with Silver Fish. The last time I was there was my birthday? Or was it early this year? Couldn't remember. When we were handed the menus, we were shocked to see how "degraded" their menu is. When the food was served, we were glad that the taste and the standard of their food has maintained. It was a good meal.

Halfway through, Max's received a text from his girlfriend which melted his heart instantly. Buddy, as the saying goes, there's always a woman behind a successful man. I'm glad. When we reached the carpark and before getting off, I remembered making a remark "Well, at least the current girlfriend is alot better. She's not like your ex who was like a pua chee bye." He went "Well said!"

I'm very protective towards my friends, especially those who are close to me. And having seen how hurt Max was four years ago, it's naturally that I will jump to his defense or nag like one old woman when he's about to embark onto some stupid journey. I'm glad I didn't violently object to this one. And I'm happy for him.
----------------------------------------
I think I'm caught in another complicated matter with regards to the heart issues. Tell me what does it means when you wake up thinking of the person, and falling asleep thinking about the person also? And everytime at certain hours, it seems like there's an alarm clock that starts to snooze you to send a text to his cellphone to ask him how are things etc and that you're thinking of him, missing him etc?

He mentioned a few times that we're just friends, very close friends. Now tell me peeps, do very close friends miss each other like I (we) do?

And nope, he's not my man.
And I'm not his woman.
Yes, I do think of him.
And now, I think this is no longer about curiousity.

Max said I'm in love. Am I? Shit lah. I hate such confusions and self-questionings. There's something very wrong with me. I need to sort out my feelings.

aiya. just be happy lah and enjoy the present.

Like how Master Wu Gui in Kungfu Panda said, " Yesterday is history, tomorrow is mystery, and today is a gift. That's why they call it present."
----------------------------------------

I'm off to sleep.

Rantings

2008-07-06T18:49:00.006+08:00

Instead of paying attention to my Marketing Communication textbooks and notes, I spent my time reading the forums and the blogs of the people who are involved in the latest happenings in Ping.sg - Ban of DK.

The more I read, the more entertaining I find some people are. And so i grabbed my cell phone and texted Aaron, and commented that Ping.sg has got a group of childish people.

And I would like to cheekily say that this particular's blogger is pathetic. She leads a pathetic life and needed attention all the time. And to satisfy her thirst for attention, she destroys people's life. Well, destroy is a strong word. Perhaps cause a wreckage here and there. A friend whom I know had tasted her power. And I would say to this friend, I just can't comprehend how did you landed yourself in a relationship with her? LOL.

I've never been involved in the forums at Ping.sg before. I go there to get my posts pinged and to pong other people's blog whenever I'm in my blogging mania. So I don't really care if I get ban from Ping.sg It's not like I get disowned or etc. And I doubt I would want to be involved with people like them who could abuse their authorities and stooped so low to cause certain damage, and acted like there's nothing.

I've formed communities before with close friends. I've seen how the community fall cos members dont' see eye to eye with each other. I've seen how the management team swayed when someone from the management feel super egoistic to be with the management team. I've seen how members walked out of the community cos they were not happy with the people there. And with no members, it is no longer a community that can exisit.

Setting up and managing a community isn't like going to a playground at all. It's something that I think we've to take seriously, we need to plan and we need to select the right people for it. There has got to be a clear line and selection of members come from not the relationships with each other, but rather the skills and talents that the person holds and what could be contributed to the community.

Ah.. all these happenings reminded me of those days where I was involved in setting up a Chinese Orchestra Troupe (COT) with a few good friends; as well as the community services group for an overseas project in India and also Poly Stage Factor ( drama group).. and a few others that are related to theatre drama.

COT was started cos a few people had a common interest in music. I was very much in love with Chinese Orchestra music, although I play the cello and double bass. So the group of close friends, all coming from different section of the CO group - Strings, Percussions, Winds etc decided to form our own troup and starts to expand our group. However, little did we know that the guy who initiated the idea was making use the members to fulfil his own little selfish dream. It was found out later and there were confrontations, slowly people became unhappy and left. Of course, I'm one of them. It was a pain for me to leave something behind, especially something that I've started from the scratch. But leaving was the best i guess. Anyway, the COT today is still aruond and standing strong with a good number of members, however the friends are no longer around in the COT anymore except for the guy. But whats the point?

And I stop playing cello since then.

-----------------------------------------------------------
A friend asked me if i prefer to have some one love me more or i love that someone more.

It was always me loving the other person and I usually ended up hurting myself. So to love myself more, I shall let someone to appear someday and to love me more. And I will love him back. It's as simple as you rub my back for me, and I rub yours back.

Having gone through a rough time with him, and friends told me not to lock myself away from other good guys. I should try going on dates. And M said I should enjoy the the courtship, of people coming after me. Perhaps, I should start going on dates.

But then again, I'm in no hurry to get love. It's complicated.
-----------------------------------------------------------

Brazilian Wax

2008-07-06T17:45:00.000+08:00

I've been wanting to do a Brazilian Wax a long time ago. The reasons why I wanted to do it is not cos I want to feel sexier or surprise any lover(s) as disucssed in the forums. I thought it would be good to keep it clean down there.

I've not much problem about the embarrasing factor that I've to show my eh hem.. to a stranger cos like all pregnant women, they visit the gynaecologists. So I will pretend that I'm pretend and visiting one. Hahaha. But now.. here's something else. The pain factor.

I was so determined that I will get it done by this year, until I saw JY's blog on this guy who went for a body wax. I had lips wax done before and it wasn't quite painful. But when I saw the guy in the video, I'm thinking twice. After all, it's brazilian wax that i'm talking about. Not body
wax.

Clubbing with M

2008-07-06T06:26:00.001+08:00

6.03am while I'm typing away.

Met up with my Peranakan Musuems friends. Picked up my cheque, loitered around, and the usual bitched with them. It was nice to see them again. Didn't follow them to drink at the gay pub cos was heading down to Clark Quay to meet up with M.

I went clubbing with Daniel. Unexpectedly arranged to meet M and her man, L. Headed down to DBL O and it was a retro saturday night (damn). There were so many ang mohs and SPGs. Kent and his campmates from Thailand camp were there to celebrate Vincent's birthday. I've met the boys many times when I was there in Thailand. They were all party animals. And so I was shuffling myself in between DBL O and O Bar as friends were at either place.

When the DJ started to spin R&B music, I was all the way at DBL O until M told me she's vomitting at by roadside. Goodness. It must be the raw salmon that she has taken during the dinner time. Kinda heart pain to see her like vomitting and feeling shitty. And to think that i actually put my finger into her mouth cos she said she needs to vomit, and need someone to make her vomit. And to think I actually kissed her on the lips (with her man by her side) after she vomitted. The smell of the puke on my fingers and the taste of puke on my lips. And to think I let her bite on my arm, not once but twice, and to think that i was not allowed entry into the pub cos by the time i left her, the pub was closing, and to think that i had to forge her signature to get her bag from the lockers, and to think that i've to walk back to her rescue when some young punk tried to pick her up when her man was away, and to think that... well all in all, I love M.

*There was a picture of M & I. Taken down cos we both felt we looked ugly*
Note to self: Never to blog when I'm semi sober and ended up posting ugly looking pictures.

I'm never going to step into O Bar cos it was hell too stuffy inside. Someone puked in the bar and the place has got no ventilation at all. And the aircon units were dripping water which was kinda irritating. Anyway, I'm never going to step into that bar anymore.

I remember that I was cursing and swearing with all the CCB, HG, KNN bla bla bla while I was outside with M. I don't know why, and that probably attracted this guy who came to ask me innocently if I'm his friend and if my name is Lixuan. One look and I knew his ploy. M thought he was trying to hit on me, but the moment he asks for M's name, it was obvious he was making use of me to get to know M. Wake up kiddo. You're too young for M. And that explained why I've to go to M's resuce when her man went to the gents.

Must be madness for me to go club while I'm in the midst of preparing for my exam. Alright, am heading for my bed. Needs a good rest. Good night peeps.
----------------------------

And i hope someday, i will forget about this secret. Cos i hate keeping secret. So its either i keep them till i die, or i forget them. I will choose to forget the secret.

I want to move to Denmark

2008-07-05T14:37:00.002+08:00

I was reading news on the internet and I came across this. It says:

"Denmark is the world's happiest country and Zimbabwe is the unhappiest, according to the World Values Survey, a study funded by the U.S. government.
The study looked at data from 52 countries. The Dane's happiness was attributed to their country's peace and prosperity. "

And I was chatting with Sharon on msn, so i copied and pasted the above to her, and quoted to her that I want to move to Denmark cos I want to be happier.

me: I want to move to Denmark
her: if you're not a happy person, you will not be happy where ever you are.
her: I think you are quite outgoing and cheerful as it is...
me: true. hahaha
me: but, external factors do make an impact (the happiness issue)

and so i started to quote an analogy with reference to my former company which I have a love hate relationship. If it wasn't for the management or rather, that dictator in the company, I would have been far off better in the company with a better career advancement. Oh well, doesn't matter, I'm happy with where I'm now.

me: let's put it this way. I'm a happy and positive person. I work in XXX (insert former company's name) and I became unhappy, and an angry person. all because of XX (insert the horrible dictator's name)
her: why do you think people like Christina can stay so long in MIS?
me: you think she's happy ah?
her: they choose to be oblivious to things around them.
me: yeah lah
me: hahaha. that's cos she has Jesus.
her: and jumadi ( a malay colleague)? 25 years with the company....
her: yeah, and Jumadi has Allah.
her *faints*
me: hahhahaha. we damn crappy.

Alright joke aside, I need to talk about the happiness issue cos lately, I'm very particular about how I feel. Feelings / Emotions management that is. I agree with Sharon that it depends on the outlook of live to determine if we're happy or unhappy. However, I think the external factor do affect the level of our happiness.

Imagine all of us on this little island (Sing-ah-poo) and we've lesser to spend or have to spend more cos of the jacked up tax, and that we've to wait till we lie down in the coffins getting ready to get incinerated, we will then get our money from the see-pee-f. But what's the point? I'm on the stairs to heaven and not going to have the chance to spend the money. It's this way cos the government of this Sing-ah-poo changed their policy which they deemed for for the citizens of Sing-ah-poo.

I wonder if they ever do a focus group research on the opinions of the citizens? They probably did, that's why they are giving us the packages now and then which doesn't not really help with things.

And them being the more powerful, we didn't dare to fight back or say much. And we just move on with our lives, hoping that things get better or that someday, we get out of this place.

I said I want to move to Denmark, not cos I'm not happy, but I want to be happier. Note the word happier. Well, it doesn't necessary have to be Denmark. Anywhere, as long as I could renounce my citizenship and get back all my money before I die. But i think, I will make do with what I have now. I'm happy with my family and friends around me.

-------------------------------------------------------
I might be a tad lad, there's a great singer in town! Duffy! Listen to her Rockferry album. A great album of great songs! You might have heard her "Mercy"on the radio.. I like her "Serious"

p/s: M, there's a song which I think you can have it dedicated for L. Read the lyrics highlighted in bold. hahhaha. if you want the song, get it from me.

Serious by Duffy
Serious x 2

I’m a trophy on your arm,
You wear me like a charm,
Yes you do.
An accessory that suits,
Your new suede boots,
ohhh

I get a feeling deep down, inside,
Something just aint right.
I get a feeling that tells me I know,
Baby you never show…

How you really feel for me
Tell me, can we ever be,
Serious? Serious in love?

A joke on my expense,
In front of all your friends,
All the time.
A game you like to play,
Leaves me solo,
every day.

I get a feeling deep down inside,
Something just aint right.
I get a feeling that tells me I know,
Baby you never show…

How you really feel for me
Tell me can we ever be,
Serious? Serious in love?

Serious? Serious in Love?

I get a feeling deep down inside ,
That something just ain’t right.
I get a feeling that tells me I know,
Baby you never show…

How you really feel for me,
Tell me, can we ever be, tell me,
Serious? Serious in love?

Serious,
So Serious
Serious
So Serious
Break it down
Serious
Break it down
Serious
Baby
Serious (into fade)

Syrup and Honey by Duffy
Don’t you be wasting all your money
On syrup and honey
Cause I’m so eaten up(Cause I'm sweet enough)
Don’t you be using every minute
On making a living
Because we got our love
Listen to me, 1,2,3
Baby, baby, baby spend your time on me

Don’t you be out all night long
Leaving me all alone
Because I, I need your love
Don’t you be spending everyday working away
Because I’m waiting for you
Listen to me, 1,2,3
Baby, baby, baby spend your time on me

Spend it, spend it, spend your time on me
Please baby
Mmmm
Please baby

Of buddies, of work and getting paid!

2008-07-05T04:27:00.003+08:00

Met up with Daniel to pass him some notebooks and also to catch up with him on what's going on with is life. We haven't met ever since he started his new job. It definitely feels good to be seeing him again. Missed the craps and jokes. Max was missing in action until when Daniel saw his van turned into the carpark. And the rest of the night were silly songs that was improvised. I haven't chill out at the park since a long time ago. It was great.

Daniel and I talked about jobs. And again, it is back to my contract job. I don't know what's wrong with me lately. The "contract" thing has been disturbing. I like what I'm doing, and I like my job. But the thing is, with the way how the company deals with contract staff, it sort of shows discriminations. And being a contract staff, I'm losing out alot on the benefits. I'm starting to wonder if I should renew my contract when the expiry is due in September. Yet on the other hand, leaving this place would means letting go alot of opportunities to learn new stuff. Just three months with the company, I've learnt pretty much, and I'm still learning.

I'm weighing the pros and cons. And I hate it when I've to make decisions. I'm not really keen on making decisions. Argh.

And half way through, Oldman called.

It's 4.40am while I'm typing. I'm supposed to be wanting sleep badly, but I can't. The brain's very active, but not active enough to absorb marketing communication's notes. I flipped through a few pages and found them pretty easy, and chucked them aside, thinking the internet is more interesting.

I'm going to meet the Peranakan Museum actors for a cast party tomorrow! Well, it's a cast gathering and pay day! I'm finally getting my pay for the production! And I'm so excited. Going to meet up with my drama-mama-melodrama cast friends! And I get to see Joshua also. I want to check his scar out. Remember the last time in my entry where I posted I got home late cos I was at the hospital? It was cos of Joshua. Anyway, will blog more about it next time when I've chance.

I'm off to bed. Meeting friends for revision at 12pm later.

--------------------------

We met each other today cos we were sitting for the same paper.

You were wearing the green tee shirt.

My heart still ache, but a little.

And I'm glad.

I flunked it.

2008-07-04T19:33:00.002+08:00

The paper was a killer. In my whole life of this diploma course, I've not made such a bad attempt to answer the questions. And I'm 100% confident that I will have to sit for the supplementary paper two months later.

We were given guidelines by the lecturer and was told to revise based on that. We got sabotaged again. Alot of us left the exam hall very early. As usual, the classmates will gather together outside the school and wait for others to get done with their papers. And I swear, I've heard many times "Flowerpot" today while waiting for others to be out of the exam hall. Flowerpot is one of the concept which we told that we have to study by hook or by crook and it took up 20% of the paper. Oh well. We should have known that lecturers are not meant to be trusted. After all, this ain't the first time we got sabotaged.

I'm determined to do well for my last two papers - Marketing Communications and Strategic Marketing. I won't have problem with Marcomm, but strategic marketing? It's going to be a headache. I lack of the business experience to be able to understand and analyse the business strategies stated in the case studies. Oh well. I think i better crack my brain harder.

I bumped into an old friend of mine from my primary school. It was funny how we could recognise each other after 10 years. The first question that we asked each other was "are you married already?" Anyway, this is a question that I get whenever i bumped into any old friend whom I've not met for years. If not they would like to ask "Not married ah, then are you attached?"

I hate it everytime when I go on leave, something's bound to crop up at work or I can't go on leave in peace. Most of my friends know that I'm a workaholic, no doubt I'm one, and I'm also one crazy workaholic. I think work's eating alot into my life. I remember the other time when I was still in office at 3.30am and sent this email to my corporate security on some work issue, he replied my email not with regards to the work issue but with regards to my life. He said. "Why are you still at work? Get a life".

I'm bogged down.

marketing research exam

2008-07-04T14:27:00.002+08:00

i'm not well prepared for this. Others has gone into the exam hall, and perhaps start writing the paper. I'm still here blogging away.

Qualitative research is used in exploratory designs to gain preliminary insights into decision problems and opportunities while quantitative research is used in descriptive and casual designs by placing heavy emphasis on using formalised and predetermined response options in questionaire or surveys administered to a large number of respondents.

The call from Oldman

2008-07-04T00:04:00.002+08:00

My work phone rang.
Weird to have my work phone rang at this hour.
I guessed that it could be Oldman.
I fumbled to get my phone.
Phone screen has this blinking dispalying "Oldman calling"
My heart was racing.
What should i say when I answer the call?
No time to think.
"Hello"
"hello, this is *****, is that Samantha?
"ya.. bla bla bla bla"

It was heart warming.
and I like his voice.

Oldman continues...

2008-07-02T04:54:00.004+08:00

The pay was deposited into my account, and less than half a day's time, almost $1000 was lessed out from my bank account.

Thank goodness I've got extra cash coming in from the productions and am expecting some payment from a friend who still owes me money, and the taxi claims which the company still owes me, plus and minus, I will survive just fine.

oldman has been working very hard the whole day.

me: alright, reward yourself with a good dinner later for working so hard. (=
oldman: What are you making me for dinner honey? :-)
me: What do you want for dinner old man?
oldman: Tonight is pizza night for me.
he spoilt the fun.
me: alright, i wish i can show up in your office with pizza and give you a surprise.
yeah right. i will need to fly across the continents to deliver him the pizzas.

he's not my man, yet i call him my oldman.
i'm not his woman, yet he calls me darling, sweetie, angel, little lady, honey.
wah, so many terms hor.

we give each other hugs and kisses.
he told me he likes me. but not loves me.
we miss each other too much.

yet he's not my man,
and i'm not his woman.
we're not together. we're friends.
is the relationship complicated?
nope.

if oldman has a wife, she will hate me.

max is finally attached.

2008-07-02T00:53:00.000+08:00

as the heading writes, my brother is finally attached. After all these years. Guess he found the right one.

Am mugging books with max now at mac, met his gal while we are on the way, she's not bad.

All the best to you bro!

i love my friends.

2008-07-01T23:17:00.002+08:00

i love my friends.

i love emma.
i love yy.
i love mc.
i love lydia.
i love carrie.
i love max.
i love kent
i love daniel.
i love adeline.
i love sharon.
i love thuy.
i love debbie.

i love many more..

I want to ditch my N95

2008-07-01T21:44:00.006+08:00

I'm a Nokia N95 8GB user. Previously a N81 8GB user. Comparing both phones, I like the functionalities of N95, and with the 8GB storage space, it's works better! The phone now serves as an mp3 player, a movie players, a camera to me, and also allows me to retrive my email on the Mail Exchange software or browse through the internet while I'm on the phone. Sometimes, I log into my MSN using this phone as well.

With the Share Online application, I'm able to share my media anytime, anywhere on Ovi, Flickr or Vox. Well, I sometimes blog from N95 as well.

I remembered how I used this phone to do a search on HungryGoWhere.com when my cousins and I were lost on where to go.

I remember using this phone to log into MSN while I was on the train on my way to club, and I was bored.

I remembered how I blasted music loudly from this phone...

I remembered how I made use of this phone to take picture on the streets....

And how I watched movies from this phone on the way to work in the morning...

N95 has served me well... but! now my heart has changed for something like this!!

E71!!

This has been my dream phone since I set eyes on it. I'm still waiting for it. And I think I'm going to get it soon, though I've been told many times that it is on the way. And as soon as I get E71, I'm going to ditch N95!

The Oldman continues...

2008-07-01T01:26:00.005+08:00

When it was time to say goodbye, the feelings were indescribable. It was sad to bid farewell, but yet I look forward to saying hello again.

somehow i felt loved. a dangerous love that is. I like how things has to be discreet. Nobody knows except for M and Max.

what could have happened to an oldman like him to be so bitter like this? a man with so many stories to share and yet, is too hurtful to bring them up again.

no. this isn't about love. this is about curiousity.

A different Sunday

2008-06-30T00:21:00.005+08:00

My plan for the sunday was to stay home and revise for my exam that's going to happen on 4th July. But the mother was saying that she hasn't been to the Kwan Yin Temple for a long time and she wanted to go for prayers. Plus, she wants to visit OG to buy the kettle. Thinking that I haven't accompanied her for a very long time, I said yes.

We did the praying. And I asked Kwan Ying about my love life. Here's the lot that I gotten:

Lot 95

You have high hopes and find pleasure in wordly ways. You're destined to meet a Golden-Rooster to point for you the way where gold. etc. are found.

Interpretation: Good

You having mediated deeply in time all will be well. The Golden Rooster will help you.

So my man's going to be born in the year of golden rooster? wahahaha. or related to someone who was born in that year? lol. anyway mum said it's a good lot. so let nature takes it course.

Went to get the $1 bubble tea. Walked around OG and there were lots of aunties paying attention to promoters promoting Tefal woks etc. OG is an auntie place.

Went to have dinner at this Red Pot restaurant. Guess that's the correct name. Here's what mom had.

And here's what I had. Very oily, and not spicy at all.

Head back to the West and shopped around Jurong Point. Tried a few pair of shoes at Bata and got these two pairs. Courtesy of my mother cos I didn't have much cash with me.

Mum and I chatted alot. I think I should do this more often.

Some pictures

2008-06-28T22:11:00.006+08:00

This is one of the neatest moments. I'm fire fighting everyday. Sometimes I wondered if I'm fit for this job or not. But well, so far I'm alot happier. So this shall stay. *i blurred some parts of the picture. hahah. those stuff will tell which company i'm working for.*

The heart hurts more than this. And never am i going to hurt myself like this anymore.

A new Doraemon collection given to my by Oh Mama. I'm going to miss her.

My taxi claims which came up to $300++. They are finally submitted. But I wonder how long is the finance going to take to have them deposited into my bank account. I'm a broke person now.

And my little food barn. The stocks were of more varieties. Now, i seriously need to stop snacking. I feel my double chin coming back. All because of the vending machines that sells cheap stuff lah. I have yet to show the picture of the mini fridge that's behind me. I could grab a coke within an arm's distance.

Things I've Seen

2008-06-28T19:13:00.001+08:00

This is a song that I've been listening to every single day, every single minute. I like the chorus part alot. The lyrics are so strong and meaningful..

"Because once in a lifetime is rough Twice in a lifetime you combat the ghost of mistrust......"

This is kinda true..

"Things I've Seen" by Spooks

[Chorus:]
You won't believe the things I've seen
Far beyond your wildest dreams
I've seen chaos and order reign supreme
I've seen the beauty of the universe
so peaceful and serene
in seconds turn to violence and screams

I've seen true genius, too often to lose the meaningless
appreciation of this mediocre nation
I've heard the mind is repetition,
of empty words without tradition
Turned original verbs into submission
I smelled this malignerance addiction,
but I guess I wouldn't be right
if I said the blunt was like a baby pipe
There ain't gon' be no revolution tonight
Half of my warriors as high as a kite
Lost and they lost all they fight
And I've tasted, the bitter tragedy of lives wasted
And men who glimpsed the darkness inside, but never faced it
And it's a shame that most of y'all are followin sheep
Wallowin deeper than the darkness, you're fallin asleep

[Chorus:]
You won't believe the things I've seen
Far beyond your wildest dreams
I've seen chaos and order reign supreme
I've seen the beauty of the universe
so peaceful and serene
in seconds turn to violence and screams

I've seen and experienced things
that'll push the average to the edge and swan dive to death
I'm two guys, multiplied by ninety-three guys
Evenly balanced seein evil equally in each eye now
Maybe I'm the most thorough worker on the job to you
or maybe I'm the one, who was plottin to rob you
The fear of this beatdown, the women on no cash to floss
makes most of y'all hustle ya ass off
From nothin to two mill', in five years I'll live to see it
vanish in six months, with no tears believe it
I'll rock, twenty-eight years before the Feds can lay a trace
See they plan is to erase me, just to replace me

Life! Your heart is one with your brain
Emotional or reason, now which one do you obey?
Life! Somebody callin you insane
When overwhelmed and blessed, burst in tears of happiness

Yo, yo, I've seen relationships that's so sick
Life long friendships so cha-o-tic
Thug cat bangin this chick but won't kiss
Drinkin her spit, when coppin a fix for dope bliss
I got a knife and a bat, to bust your brain, put a knife in your back
"Once in the Life" I was trifle like that
like my man Troy, who lost his days
shootin dice on worldly ways
and ended up in a early grave
Because once in a lifetime is rough
Twice in a lifetime you combat the ghost of mistrust
Mentally cuffed, thrust by a cop thinkin he tough
You bust, Amadou Diallo is us, and what
now I'm on my knees, beggin' "God, please!
Save me from the fires of hell!
Let water water soul prevail" - cos I can't take no more
Who's that knockin, at, my door?
Is that you, Pete from Cobb's Creek, who died in my sleep?
We was playin for fun, now it's keeps
Like my man Mark I beat to death wrapped in a carpet
and left in the garbage, now that's cold-hearted
Ask Book he saw it, "Yo black I ain't seen (shit)
Kids in the 6, they flip for nonsense"
Poke an icepick, smokin that (shit) since preschool fool
and packin a tool, (fuck you) Mom Dukes it's cool

[Chorus:]
You won't believe the things I've seen
Far beyond your wildest dreams
I've seen chaos and order reign supreme
I've seen the beauty of the universe
so peaceful and serene
in seconds turn to violence and screams

Life! Your heart is one with your brain
Emotional or reason, now which one do you obey?
Life! Somebody callin you insane
When overwhelmed and blessed, burst in tears of happiness

2008-06-28T19:08:00.002+08:00

Somehow I woke up today. I told myself, "enough is enough".

For now, I shall just be myself. I will do my best to pick myself up, and never to fall like this again.

For friends who have been with me, thank you.

Old Man

2008-06-27T00:38:00.002+08:00

I've got an old man.

Somehow, this melted my heart.

Keep it discreet

2008-06-24T10:34:00.002+08:00

I know of someone from the organisation. We're million miles apart, and so are our roles and job duties in the company. I like it how discreet this friendship has to be kept within the organisation. Scandalous....

Meeting him

2008-06-23T22:58:00.002+08:00

I met up with him to get the textbook from him. The meeting was less than 10 minutes and it was enough to make me go emo.

We chatted and talked like "friend". He had his hair cut, and so did I. We talked about what was done at work today while I smoked. He updated about his work, I updated about my work.
Talked about where he partied last week, and where I partied last week. Showed him the bruise on my arm, the one that I got from biting myself when I was drunk.

He asked where am i heading to - "home" was my answer. The cig has burnt to its butt and I nonchantly flicked it and said "goodbye". Though deep down, I wish the cig continues to burn.

I exhaled the last of Marlboro, turned around and hopped on the cab.

I kept smiling to myself, and fought very hard not to think so much. It hurts, a little.

What I gonna do later.

2008-06-23T08:08:00.000+08:00

I'm going to lock myself up in one of those quiet rooms (where the staff can used if they need quiet time) and clear all my paper work, no one will be able to locate me except for my boss. Now, I think I will love these quiet rooms.

Waking up

2008-06-21T12:10:00.005+08:00

I woke up feeling damn thirsty.

At this point of time when everything seems not so right for me be it at work, school or r/s, I know very well that I need to get away alone for some quiet time to ponder things over, relax and recharge. I'm thinking of going back home to KL over the weekends. Can't be sure of when yet, cos I'm still thinking of either to travel before exam or after the exam. ~~Anyone who wants to have a mini getaway from singapore over the weekends with me, contact me!~~ hahah, it's supposed to be a "All by myself" quality time.

I thought letting go would be easy since I've always believed in the “拿得起，放得下”theory. I wasn't expecting it to be so tough for me. The plunge in the emotions spurred the regular drinking sessions, especially those recent trips to Lunar. However, no matter how high I was, how tipsy I get, and how much fun I have, when I'm sober again, the reality hits me the same way.

Thinking back, I've been drinking alot lately and this is not a good sign. I'm sliding into alcoholic-depression. So, to do me good, I've decided to stop drinking for a month unless necessary. muahaha

Oh, me and my orange Crocs (finally!)

Botak Jones for lunch anyone?

The aftermaths effecfs

2008-06-21T04:45:00.003+08:00

It seems that when a person moody drinks, he gets drunk easier. That must be the case for within an hour, I was very tipsy that I couldn't stand still. And I wasn't behaving.

However, it is true that one couldnt' drown his sorrow via drinking. No matter how much I drink, when i get sober, the reality remains the same.

Everything was ok until when he sends a text to inform me that he couldn't make it to Lunar. I don't remember telling him I will definitely be at Lunar today. I replied his msg but I couldn't remember what I typed.

Anyway, thanks to JY who texted me while I was in the processing of drunk-ing myself. Thanks dear, your texts made me felt better.

Kent suprised me by showing up at Lunar though he mentioned that he wouldnt be clubbing since he has got work tomororw.

And of course, my dearest Adeline who somehow is always there whenever I wanted to make myself drunk. She left me teeth mark on my arms. i went crazy and started biting myself. I couldn't feel the pain atall anyawy. Ade bit under my arms.

and thank you to the wonderful M who's been sms-ing me givinng me courage and occasionally (once) F me. and also to her beau L.

I'll be fine.

good night all.